It is ok. We all have our days. Sometimes, just once in a while, we have to let it out and even though it might seem bad right now, it doesn't have to be. Just like he has his feelings and they are what he is feeling, you also have your feelings and he has to be able to accept that. Several months ago, H and I had a similar conversation and I too got the "pressure" line. He is still here for what that is worth. Sometimes they actually have to show you what they feel is pressure and what isn't. I still haven't figured it out because it seems to change daily but it has made it a little easier. I also had to share with him that I was sharing with him and any pressure he was feeling was HIS and not from me. It was how he chose to interperate what I was saying or doing. I can say that because I have basically been treating him like a stranger but always letting him know he is welcome to participate in whatever S and I or even I am doing. And accepting whatever choice he makes.
Yes a few weeks ago we had a blow up, but it was a necessary one to hopefully stop cycling on both of our parts. I have detached further and after a week of total silence on both parts, we are both now speaking again. All I know right now is that we are still living in limbo.
It is ok though. You are so new at this to be doing so well. I noticed you seem to be posting in the middle of the night lately. Do your best to try to sleep and take care of yourself right now. Exhaustion and lack of nourishment will take it's toll harder than any of this because your body is fighting to survive at the same time your soul is. Keep going. Today is a new day and you may just be surprised what it will bring.
"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
