I can imagine that you would be weary of this go 'round. I think counseling can be highly overrated and sometimes detrimental. Your H is doing the 'work'...he's having a hard time with his 'feelings' and that's normal.
Yes, I am weary of this. H is doing the work, and I’m very pleased about that. He has put more effort in, in the last 6 months than I have seen him put him in the six years we have been married. I am quite impressed. He told me a few weeks ago that he isn’t getting the help for me; he’s doing it for him. Just like when he quit his job he told me he wasn’t doing it for me, he was doing it for him. At first I was taken aback by that, yet, really it is very healthy. He *should* be doing this for him. That’s where he should be, and he is. I know his counseling is working because he has said he feels more clear minded now, than he has since we’ve been married.
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Why don't YOU get the help...and I'd suggest Laurie here....not for $$$ reasons, but she really is an expert and wonderful at this....and if you push him to the counseling....you may wear out the love he has left. At the end of the day...it's the two of you that need to build more joy, more love together....not work on changing something about him.
I am not pushing him to counseling at all. I don’t even talk about him going or us going together. I only comment if he broaches the subject. There was a time, early on, when I would beg him to go – I learned my lesson there – cheeseless tunnel to say the least. He did go though when he was ready. But you are right, we do need to build more joy and love together – our focus seems to be on the wrong thing. I think we’ve been putting out fires for so long that living joyfully has been forgotten.
That’s not to say that we don’t do fun stuff together – we do. I just feel as though there is an undercurrent of something not being quite right. And I recognize this may be me and my own “stuff” and exist totally in my head and not with him.
Thanks, SG for your thoughts. I appreciate it!
Me: 34 H: 39 M: 7 yrs H A 12/05-8/07
If what you say surprises me, I must have been assuming something else was true. - M. Wheatley
