Getting Un"Stuck" - Giving My Burden to God

[MrBond]

AAK,

You are right that the issue has to be addressed at some point, especially if we are, er, since we are going to stay married. : )

Positive thinking there.

I'm just waiting it out to see when that right time will be. I have a feeling that when the chance comes up, I'll know.

That's kind of why I haven't been totally dark with her. I'm getting her trust back but not sacrificing my life for it. She knows the door is open, I have a very strong feeling that when she peaks in, I'm going to kick her @$$ through it.

It's like you posted to me before a couple of weeks ago. Sometimes when I slam her with the truth, she actually seems like she listens. She's definitely not constantly angry or confrontational like a few of the other WASs on here.

I read some of the stories and I cringe.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

Well, okay Puppy. I think I'll "try" to hush about that subject here on Stuck's thread, since we have it on the OTHER one. I think you and Stuck.....and I.....have the same POV about the issue. Maybe we said it differently and maybe I didn't catch something that you saw. I mainly wanted to tell Stuck how much I thought he has grown and that I was proud of what he had said and stood his ground. And I think it was 25 Years who said those famous words, "And that's all I'm going to say about that."....and then she kept talking. (cracked me up!)

You are a big bad dog, but you don't scare me!

I think it was Forrest Gump (the real, MOVIE one, not the one that posts here) that said it, but hey -- who's countin'.

[drew7]

..can you have an IC serve up the food and anti-depressant cocktail to her?.. ehhehe sorry couldn't help myself there..

Drew

[sandi2]

I just went back over to the other thread (after I had said my piece!) Lordy! I'm on a giggle roll. I need to hush and go get some sleep. And....Pup....you just HAD to bring up Forrest Gump! (You don't "even" want to get me started there....not on the movie...lol)

Talk to you later, Stuck.

Take care all,
Sandi

[givingitmyall]

Sandi

Saw your post. Made me laugh.

[25yearsmlc]

When I said "that's all I am saying about that" it was to the preceding idea, sheesh!....sandi sandi sandi...yi yi yi.

But Stuck, more importantly, I want to echo her comments about your post. "Say WHAT??" you made some Excellent comments. My feathers got ruffled by G-, not you, and it was completely b/c 1) I dislike being personally attacked, and 2) completely misquoted. I have NEVER told anyone to "wait around" but have always to each and everyone, said something along the lines of "GAL and DETACH" and still do...it's essential.
No matter what kevin or A/K do, GAL is still crucial for their well being. I don't retract that at all.

Not all situations are hopeless, but a lot seem to be. You are not there by a long shot Stuck, so no one here is "in denial" with you. Well, speaking for myself, I'm not. I believe there is a relatively large amount of hope in your sitch (relative to here at least).

But there is a dilemma and here's as good a place as any to pose it. What about the times we think, to ourselves, "Hey, I'm not God. But it sure looks hopeless from here"...?? I mean, I don't want to lie to anyone.

But aren't we supposed to try and help the person stay M as long as it's not dangerous for them to do so? Isn't that the premise of this place/site? I don't see any conflict at all, with urging the LBSer to GAL and often it does lead to moving on and detaching as it should and sometimes that gets the WAS and sometimes it does not. It isn't the goal of GAL. I cannot see how it hurts the sitch if done the way MWD suggests. But if we think "wow, that WAS is really out the door and this LBSer is wasting their time and ours" what is it we should be doing to be supportive but in a real way? I don't want to fill someone with false hope but again, who am I to say that a given person won't get a miracle? Do we stop posting? That seems cruel as the LBSer needs support more then, not less.

Anyone? Stuck, again, I'm not referring to your sitch (not yet anyhow!) but would like feedback from non=hostiles, if you know what I mean.

j-

PS speaking of miracles, my mil was dx 19 months ago with aggressive lung cancer with metastisis to her brain, spleen and pancreas. ALMOST no survival rate at 2 yrs. Like 2% and they are usually under the age of 50. She was Given 6-8 months WITH chemo and radiation. So she did it all. First, she Never got sick, (tired yes, sick, no). Lost her hair and maybe 10 lbs. That's it. Still kicking. No she is not cured but she has outlived every prediction and I recall my h, who is an MD saying "Why can't my mom be the 1% of patients who gets a miracle?" And indeed, why not? Same for these "hopeless M's" sometimes... miracles do happen

[givingitmyall]

I think stuck's W and mine are similar. Mine is not angry nor does she treat me with disrespect for the most part.

25, in response to your last post, I know for me it would appear to the outside world (non DB of course) that I am waiting on a miracle. But, I am not. I would like my W to work on our M, and I know it could be a new, MUCH better M than we had before. But, I also know that there may come a day when I have had enough, when I feel she has had enough time to make a decision about our M. Probably will be a LRT just before that.

But, my point is that I think I will know when "that time" is. Right now, I honestly do not know when that will be. I just know that it will come one day. I just have to know in my heart and mind that I did EVERYTHING I could to save our M before I can throw in the towel. My kids certainly deserve that effort.

Oh, and that effort does NOT involve me dating while I am still M'd. I do not know how one squares dating while M'd with respecting one's M vows/commitment - b/c I don't think you can. Otherwise, you have to take the position that "I sleptwith/dated OW to save the M"??!! Might be a bit off topic, but I thought it sort of related to your post.

[sandi2]

When I said "that's all I am saying about that" it was to the preceding idea, sheesh!....sandi sandi sandi...yi yi yi.

And....just like me, you thought of more to say... Let's face it, we don't stop talking.....we slow down and save up more spit for later.

PS speaking of miracles, my mil was dx 19 months ago with aggressive lung cancer with metastisis to her brain, spleen and pancreas. ALMOST no survival rate at 2 yrs. Like 2% and they are usually under the age of 50. She was Given 6-8 months WITH chemo and radiation. So she did it all. First, she Never got sick, (tired yes, sick, no). Lost her hair and maybe 10 lbs. That's it. Still kicking. No she is not cured but she has outlived every prediction and I recall my h, who is an MD saying "Why can't my mom be the 1% of patients who gets a miracle?" And indeed, why not? Same for these "hopeless M's" sometimes... miracles do happen

That is great news, 25! I have seen some of those miracles myself.

[Gardener]

I think stuck's W and mine are similar. Mine is not angry nor does she treat me with disrespect for the most part.

Ditto, thankfully.

25, in response to your last post, I know for me it would appear to the outside world (non DB of course) that I am waiting on a miracle. But, I am not. I would like my W to work on our M, and I know it could be a new, MUCH better M than we had before. But, I also know that there may come a day when I have had enough, when I feel she has had enough time to make a decision about our M. Probably will be a LRT just before that.

But, my point is that I think I will know when "that time" is. Right now, I honestly do not know when that will be. I just know that it will come one day. I just have to know in my heart and mind that I did EVERYTHING I could to save our M before I can throw in the towel.

Dittoditto.

Courage, strength, and love, guys.

p.s. ditto

Oh, and that effort does NOT involve me dating while I am still M'd.

[25yearsmlc]

All in all, if I have to be "wrong" about my M, then I'd rather regret hanging in too long in the m, than leaving it too early. I think we're all on that same page as far as what we worry about.

And only the LBSer can decide if and when they have had enough. Even now, as my H and I work on things, I know in the back of my mind that if the time for trouble comes again, God forbid, I'll know if it's over and that I'll be fine. It won't take as long for me to know b/c I learned a lot with DBing. What to do, and what not to do. And that I'll be alright.

Don't let anyone take away your right to hope for a miracle. If it comes, great. IF not, you'll know, you'll act, and you'll survive.

((( j )))