I talked to Ken on Friday and he hit me also and helped me to see things differently. He also gave me some ideas on what I should do and how to proceed from here.
what you should do?? I don't get that sorry but I don't...that sounds like some plan to save your M?? What's up wid dat??
what you should do is "man up"....stop walking on eggshells..
if I wanted her in bed I'd ask her..if i wanted a hug I'd get it...
I'd be normal...I can imagine what it's like there now....
No nothing like that. he said if I want to hold her hand then do it. If I want to more physical contact from her then ask. Sort of what you are saying.
Quote:
The emotional connection is getting stronger and I am glad about that but I still need the physical connection.
Originally Posted By: M from Tennessee
for who?? you or her?? Are you assuming that it is for her?? Don't u think that if it was for her then something would be happening on the physical front..
what do you think WT??? you're a woman..give me your perspective here...if they are emotionally connected then I think you will be "getting it like you ought to be getting it"
Originally Posted By: whiskey.tango
I agree. If I'm emotionally connected to a man, he's getting laid. However, if it's a friends/sibling emotional connection, that would be a no. Is there an attraction? Maybe that's a question that needs be asked.
Apparently for me only in a husband/ wife way because I'm getting nothing.
See now this is where I am confused. Your saying in one sentence to just do it but in the next you are saying I would be having more physical contact and sex if she was emotionally connected to me. How do you persue physical contact with a woman if she is not emotionally connected to me in that way? Because without it we are just room mates and I don't want that.
Yes, she is happy where things are at right now. She pretty much said that in MC. Also she has said to me many times that things are getting better and that she likes spending time with me and talking to me. But as far as the emotional connection or how strong it is that I do not know, only she knows.
The talking, texting, emailing and like today the going out to lunch has improved immensely but the more that improves and the more connected I feel towards her the more I want to be physically close to her and that is the touchy part of our R at this point. It’s problematic for me because I want more and I am not sure exactly where she stands on it.
I can’t not try and pursue it because than I know nothing will happen and we will sit in limbo but I can’t push it too hard because then things could take a step backwards if she is not ready. Which I don’t think she knows whether she is or not IMO.
I asked her on Thursday morning where she sees our R going but did not get an answer. Hopefully in MC next Tuesday I will be able to get one from her because that would be a really big help to me.
I appreciate all that the both you have said and I needed to hear it. It makes me think and helps me to return the focus to me and not her or us.
How about 'flirty' talk.. suggestive talk that you did (right?) when dating & in the early years?
I agree with WT... if I'm emotionally connected to my man (healthy or not)... he's getting laid. He's being pursued... flirted with, bantered with, etc. My BoB & I are sooo close these days, he's so plugged into to my needs... but I digress!
Try priming the banter pump (no pun intended)... flirt with her... help her remember how to feel 'sexy' & connected to you.
Try some flirty, dirty talk with a twinkle & a smirk...let her respond (hopefully) and then just walk away...
let her know that is safe to be there (flirting with you) and YOU ARE OK WITH NOT GETTING SEX
she needs reassurance that just because she flirted with you & you don't get laid, that you're not going back to 'old tim'.... baby steps..
patience.. you're doing great. Peace Bridge
PS>. happy birthday
Last edited by Bridgestone; 06/23/0903:59 AM.
Divorced 03/2010 Mom to two amazing kids
Taking the road less traveled because those encountered on the way may be just as unique.
Long time since I have heard from you. Hope you are doing well.
I understand what Mike, WT and you are saying to me and I will be working on being more assertive. I guess I have been waiting for something from her that lets me know that she is comfotable with our R and is ready to move forward but what it seems everyone is saying is that how will I know unless I keep testing the water. And I need to do it without any expectations or without getting offended if the response is negative.
The other night we went to the movies and I placed my hand on her leg and she did not move away. Its something I need to do more of while we are watching tv or taking walks as others have suggested.
As for the sex part. Its not that I want her to jump my bones I would like her to just come to bed and be with me. Just laying there snuggling with me is fine. I have told he that on many occasions that I do not expect sex from her at all until she is ready.
Not much really going on here. Been out and played golf the last two weekends. Had a reaaly good time. Was nice to get away from everything and just enjoy the day.
On the 4th we had a cook out at the neighbors house. We were having a good time when we noticed that the dogs were not around. My W had left the gate open and one of our friends dog got lost. It took us over an hour to find her. My W was so upset that she went home and did not come back.
Our friends kept asking me what was up and I told them she was upset about leaving the gate open and the dog getting lost. A couple of them went over to my house to tell her it was alright but she did not come back.
I told them that it was her decision and I stayed and finished out the evening there and the kids and I watched as other people put on some really good fireworks.
Went home talk to my W and we watch a little tv then went to bed.
Other than that all is pretty calm on the home front. I am taking off on the 22th to take my son and his friend to Hershey Park and then we are all going to DC for the rest of the week and weekend to visit my mom and brother and tour the museums.
Then on the 7th I am taking my daughter back to DC because her and my mom are going to Egypt. My son and I are going to spend the weekend at my brothers and go tubing down the Potomic.
So between swimming and all that stuff I have a very busy couple of weeks ahead but it should be fun.
How are you doing WT. Any fun plans for the rest of the summer?
Thanks for posting an update. Was wondering what you were up to.
I LOVE Hershey! That sounds like a good time...and your mom and D going to Egypt. Awesome. I'm jealous! Sounds like you're going to be doing lots of traveling up and down 95/83.
I'm trying to talk a friend or 2 into going to Atlantic city. That's about as exciting as it's going to get for me. I just started taking classes, my teaching starts in August - those 2 things take up all my free time.
Your W is awfully hard on herself. A shame, but her choice and her gig. Does she know why she does this (childhood stuff?)?
We're all hard on ourselves, I know. But I don't have the attention span to stay mad at me! Or maybe that's old age.
...and your mom and D going to Egypt. Awesome. I'm jealous!
You and me both, they also went to Alaska last year. My mom loves to travel and my D makes the perfect companion. They both love to read, my mom does not need to entertain her and my D does not go out drinking and partying.
Originally Posted By: whiskey.tango
Your W is awfully hard on herself. A shame, but her choice and her gig. Does she know why she does this (childhood stuff?)?
Don't know, tried to talk her into coming back over but she made a laim excuse of having a headache because of the margareta's she had been drinking. Whatever her loss in my opinion.
Don't know, tried to talk her into coming back over but she made a laim excuse of having a headache because of the margareta's she had been drinking. Whatever her loss in my opinion.
I agree. But it does shed light (at least for me) on how your W reacts to situations. I guess I'd always thought that she was afraid of you and you only. But it seems this fear extends beyond that - this is the first situation that you've shared that has made me think that. Sorry if I'm behind in getting that.
Have you been going to MC? Are you as detached as you sound? And I mean that in a good way - I know you're still working on this but you sound very balanced.
Rain this weekend! But it has been a beautiful week!
