I believe the word your looking for is comfortable Ian.
I am comfortable my friend. Not the least bit homophobic. I like women....that will never change and thats why I am comfortable.
Yourself and another (no need to mention any names, you just did that, thank you) should really ask, what is it that you fear? Is it the possibilty of being swung in the other direction?
I'll leave that for you two cupcakes to ponder.....
"When H first started his complaints, I took note & tried to figure out how to change to accommodate him. Little did I know, along the way, that I LIKED these changes. I needed to make these changes for myself. Many of these things I have learned to do by DBing. I'm normally the type of person to just say what I think. I have learned to hold back & have patience, not to react. In doing this the following changes have taken place in me:
1. I don't always have to share my opinion. 2. Not all people like to debate & some even get offended if I feel the need to offer the opposing viewpoint on what they are sharing. 3. I can be open-minded & flexible 4. I think before I speak...if I am wondering whether to say something or not, I probably shouldn't say it. 5. not everyone has to have a "reason", the fact they feel a certain way, can be reason enough. 6. Think...does what am I about to say have an ulterior motive, if so, don't say it. 7 Encouraging others makes ME feel good"
To me.. it takes a "mindest" to "win" at this DB'ing stuff. After you have been "here" a while you tend to find people that you share a common link with. Something about the "story" just makes you want to post. The weird thing is that usually you can read a "first" post and get a "feel" for the person. You have the "mindset". No question about it. As you walk down this road you will learn many things. I used to tell people you are about to learn more about your spouse than you ever thought possible. Keep that in mind. The "goal" is for you to "stand up" against this stuff. Again, as I have said many times before the things we find attractive about something.. can become bothersome.. in excess. Keep the "focus" on what you can change and improve upon. The person YOU are is still there.
"He went from listening to rap music to country. Jacked up his truck (but he had always wanted to do that). Leased a new Infiniti (said it was for tax purposes since both other cars were paid off). He also started getting into fishing, got a gun, started hunting/shooting range."
Sometimes I think the WAS/MLC are just natural DB's. They just know how to GAL. Not too many cases of a WAS that does not have a "Life" or things to do. This again is why it is important for you to GAL. You are being "told" by the "community" to do it. The WAS is doing it just because it takes their mind off the situation. So.. what can we learn from that?
"On & on the roller coaster goes...never goes up very high...but certainly goes down pretty low. Sometimes I think it is taking me to the depths of he!!"
Well.. you can always put your hands up, scream and smile. Make the ride as enjoyable as you can.
"ok next question...when people say to give the MLCer space, does that mean if he is watching tv in the living room, I should leave him alone (like find something to do in another room)?"
Think about it like this. If you are standing in line somewhere there is always someone who stands too close. You move forward they close the distance. Don't be that person. If he is watching TV and it is something you want to watch.. do it. He may not want you curl up next to him though. Body Language can be a big clue in this situation.
I wish you well. You have lots of capable people "watching" you. I tend to stay over in the Newcomers but I will try and check in every so often.
Remember.. there is always another side to the "story" or the "song" can sound the same.. yet have way different words.
They probably are opened on Sunday. And if he doesn't want to go "because it's crowded on the weekends" then all the more reason to go. He'll regret if he doesn't and I think he knows that right now. A dinner and movie is pretty great too. Always liked that plan.
[b]To me.. it takes a "mindest" to "win" at this DB'ing stuff. After you have been "here" a while you tend to find people that you share a common link with. Something about the "story" just makes you want to post. The weird thing is that usually you can read a "first" post and get a "feel" for the person. [b]You have the "mindset". No question about it. As you walk down this road you will learn many things. I used to tell people you are about to learn more about your spouse than you ever thought possible. Keep that in mind. The "goal" is for you to "stand up" against this stuff. Again, as I have said many times before the things we find attractive about something.. can become bothersome.. in excess. Keep the "focus" on what you can change and improve upon. The person YOU are is still there.[/b][/b]
Thanks Forrest. I had a weird day today & really needed to hear your words of encouragement. I know I am a very strong person...always have been...may have been part of the issue.
I wish you well. You have lots of capable people "watching" you. I tend to stay over in the Newcomers but I will try and check in every so often.
I really appreciate this...have a great weekend.
Me 36, Him 33 M 11yrs, T 15yrs S 8, D 7 ILYBINILWY - 1/09 H moves out 10/09 D to be final SOON I HOPE!
journaling - well I've been given lots to think about today. sometimes I think that can become a bad thing as when I think too much...detaching fades...panic & fear creep in...my mind started playing tricks on me so I opened my daily devotional on Rediscovering God's Gift of Joy and today's scripture was:
Those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint. ~Isaiah 40:31
It immedately gave me an inner calming & peace. I then took a short nap (worrying can really wear you out)!
H is playing bball tonight. The kids & I were watching movies that are now over. I snuck out of the room to grab some computer time...better get back, I hear spongebob calling...
Me 36, Him 33 M 11yrs, T 15yrs S 8, D 7 ILYBINILWY - 1/09 H moves out 10/09 D to be final SOON I HOPE!
