I think you're very right about that, Alex...though eventually, as we get less entangled with the other...the anger starts to dissipate all on its own as well...at least that's been my experience. Without B in my life I don't have any anger whatsoever - it's really kind of remarkable to me...Of course, she'll try to provoke me every now and then - as she did last week with her insults (though she's followed up the insults with the most bizarre of emails of late...which I'll get to in a moment).
Still, as much as I think anger has to potential to do more harm - at least in the short term - fear can do a lot of harm (perhaps even more?) in the long term. For me, fighting my fears - or resisting them - made matters worse...every single time. Whereas once I started to accept things - including my current work situation - I've started to find more clarity - and more ways to work toward the right solutions. Facing fear, taking it in, and overcoming it can be much, much harder than accepting anger and allowing it to run its course - without being driven by it.
So...as for the bizarre stuff...last night B send me an email completely ignoring her behavior from the other day (the insults in front of S2) - and claiming that from her POV it was different...she followed that up by asking me again if my S12 would like to travel with her to visit her family - and then, this is what really perplexed me, she responded to my desire to have my S2 spend nights with me by suggesting that my S12 should spend nights at her place...forgive me for a moment as I say, WTF?!? I suppose she simply has no idea that my S12 does not have many good memories of his time spent with her - and of course she does not know how he feels about her parents - and that her father makes him very uncomfortable (with his volatile temper and his tendency to say f*ck around him).
Her note also had a decent share of fishing for info about any changes in my life - using the language of 'unless something has changed in your life'....amazing...still...there was only one question asked in her email - so that's all I responded to - letting her know that, no, my S12 would not be traveling with her. The best thing about not feeling entangled anymore is that I don't try to figure out why she says what she says or how she might be trying to manipulate me - I just let her be, and go on with my life - enjoying my time with my boys and finding a lot of happiness in a new relationship.
