Well - we had a talk 48 hours ago and almost went separate ways. During last 48 hours I basically dismantled myself and put together again. My impression is that I never lost my self esteem - I just let it hide. I was content and was taking her for granted (which I know now is the biggest mistake one can ever make), at the same time criticizing a lot. A bit of split personality I guess. Post about co-dependence made me look up the term and I guess it would perfectly match me 72 hours ago.
Healing is a process I guess - it doesn't happen in 1 hour. It won't be easy - I won't always feel as good as right now, and I'll have my doubts. But basically - I have not much to loose and quite a lot to gain.
When I talked my wife down - she never fought back. She felt guilty - she brought me to Canada / promised I'd have work soon and she'll take care of everything. So she cried when I slept. Never told me that, actually admitted 2-3 weeks ago. I never dished out - I'm a rather calm person but I was hurting her without even rising my voice.
So I guess it's payback time in some way. Life's often quite complicated.
As I've mentioned - I stopped pursuing her. No calls / emails for the last 48 hours. She noticed it. I was pretty shocked today when I came back home from the office and she hugged me and said 'I missed you'. We went shopping together... she said she's glad that I'm giving her space and time. That I don't think that it can be fixed overnight.
I understand that to make my W happy - I need to be at peace and happy with myself. And I told her that - she agreed that it's a good approach. She also mentioned that when one sees the other person so 'glowing' he/she may feel more attracted to that. Guess I was lacking it. I'm pretty self aware in many matters - just need a good shake sometimes.
I'm focusing more on myself now. getting back in shape, taking up my abandoned hobbies. doing something for Me.
ps. sorry for any spelling/grammar mistakes - I'm here for 2 years and English is not my main language.
