I feel like I am operating in a vacuum

[cville22901]

This is my first post.

I was married for 12 years, and my wife told me that she wanted out on March 19.

I’ve never been into self-help books or online communities, but I am pretty desperate for some additional help, despite the fact that I am regularly seeing a psychologist and taking anti-depressants.

In the first month after my wife said that she wanted out, we saw each other about twice a week, and I had some hope that we could reconcile. Since then, she has said that she wants to split up our assets, she has said that she wants to move on, she says that, even though I’m trying to get us back together, it won’t do any good, and she feels better when she just does not have to deal with me. I have tried to remain friendly and to be upbeat and not harass her. I’ve limited my contact with her to about one phone call a week in the past two months.

I’m trying to follow the advice in Divorce Remedy and to suppress “pursuing” behaviors. Given how desperate I was when we first broke up, I thought that this would be 180. However, I feel like I am working in a vacuum. I find it very hard to maintain distance and to not communicate. I can’t stand this sensation of being totally out of control, not knowing what she is thinking, not communicating, and feeling like my life has gone down the drain. I am very frustrated and tormented by the fact that I cannot reach my wife on an emotional level any more. She seems so cold, detached, and distant.

I am trying to be strong and do new things and meet new people. I’m trying to read, perform cognitive therapy, and tell myself that it is still early, but nothing seems to be working. I get zero response or interest of any kind.

I want to call my wife today and talk to her, keep it light, and try to establish a positive tone, but the reading indicates that this type of move may just push her away. I am very confused. I’ve made up some solution oriented objectives, but it’s a Catch-22. If I don’t talk to her somehow, how do I know if anything is working?