I think I messed up

[sandi2]

Okay, just read your reply. It sounded a tiny bit more spunky than the first one. Maybe I said something to stir that up.....and if so, then that's good. You need to stand up for yourself, whether it is a woman or another man.....or a "group" of people.

I did not want to stop my last post at the place I did b/c I did not want to give you the impression I was trying to be a smart a$$ and "sounding off" as a tough female who hated men. Nothing like that! I was about to make a big point (I'm sure ) when I was interrupted and suddenly had to leave. So, I will try to start again and if I say things that you don't appreciate, at first.....I hope you will stick with this and give this a chance, and see what everyone has to say. There are a lot of people here, and most of us have pretty strong opinions. Whatever you do....don't quit. Keep coming back and reading and posting, okay?

I'm glad you explained a little more about yourself and the stitch.

I see myself as an intelligent, educated person with hobbies and goals in life.

This is good and sounds like a person with a healthy self-esteem. So, maybe I don't have to say all I had originally thought to say... BTW, I see myself as one who tries to have a sense of humor and hope you can see it at times, too. For an example when I told you not to do ANYTHING before I got back to you. I did not mean that seriously nor did I mean to sound arrogant......but rather, it was my sense of humor (such as it is :/). Coming from different countries or cultures can make communication challenging. Unless a person tells where they are from, then nobody knows. So....it often helps to know. I am from the USA. You probably could tell, right?

So.....maybe you did truly "lose yourself" for a time, like you said. But do you suddenly feel that you have found yourself since Puppy Dog Tails spoke to you, suggesting you were co-dependent? I'm only wondering b/c of the way you sounded "before" and the way you replied to "my" post. Maybe it is b/c of what I said? How do you feel when a woman talks rather tough to you? I was wondering if there was a time in your life when you had been dealt with harshly by a woman. You spoke of your step-mom and how she favored her own child. I would imagine that was very hard to grow up in that environment. I saw my niece have to do the same thing and it was very sad.

You told us how you talked down to your W and how she could do nothing the right way. How has your "W" talked to you? How did she treat you after she worked all day and went to classes...and then came home to see that you had done nothing but play computer games? (Bet she didn't respect you much, did she?) Did she bite her tongue and not say anything when you talked "down" and critisized her, or did she stand up to you and "get in your face" about how you acted? Did she just sit back and take whatever you dished out without fighting back?

Have you ever thought that she was paying you back for hurting her and disappointing her as a H? You said it was b/c she was not happy with the sex in the M, but why do you think that changed from how great it was before the two of you M?

I realize I am asking many personal questions. Almost everything we discuss here on the board is personal. That is the best way I know to find a lot of routes to the issues here in this stitch. You see, most people will look at this at face value and say....."Yeah, another cheating wife! She was unfaithful to that poor LBH and he has every right to kick her to the streets and walk away!" But I think that there is "usually" more to the story than meets the eye, when a newcomer begins here on the board. Most of us have more complicated lives than it appears when we send out our first post. So, I'm not trying to pick a fight with you or sound ugly in asking you the things that I am. I was not trying to be ugly in my first post, but I did want you to know that I am not the "mousy" kind of gal who would take bad treatment off of a man. (Just thought you may want to know that up front.) It is my opinion that "some" men treat their W's poorly simply b/c they can get away with it. Hope you were not that way. You said you were a "bastard". I am tempted to agree with you.....HOWEVER....I have a long way to go before I've made up my mind about your W and exactly what to make of her in all of this. Am I making "more" out of the story than truly is? Is your stitch more complicated than you've had time to tell?

Just wanted you to know that I "do" care very much or I would not be here spending my evening with you on this board. I do have a life besides the DB board.....however, this has been a big part of my life the past couple of years! It's b/c of what the people here did for me that I am here for you. DB works! You may not always hear exactly what you desire when you come, but you will have support. That is very important.

So, I hope you will reply soon.

Take care,
Sandi