end game of divorce busting?

[MrBond]

Believe me. I know about limboland. I've been living it for over a year. The fact is that as hard as it is to not say anything, whatever you say is going to be taken negatively.

I was just like you, looking for answers, trying to get her to talk, etc. But it wasn't until I left her alone that things cooled down enough that she could be comfortable around me again.

Think of your W as a spoiled teenager talking to her parents (you). She KNOWS what she wants (no matter how ridiculous it is) and no one can make her change her mind because she KNOWS what she's doing. It's that adolescent attitude that they take on that makes talking impossible.

Unfortunately, you're going to have to wait it out. Any talk right now is going to be seen as a fight or will escalate into one. One thing I learned from all this is how to actually "talk" to my W without her immediately throwing up her shields. When you figure out her "code" you can throw in snippets of "R" talk without really making it a "R" talk.

Like maybe telling her a story that you saw on the news. You can make it sound similar to your sitch, but not really so she gets the message but indirectly.

Your best bet right now is to just back off as hard as it is. Trust me, I know.