Running out of gas

[Jimbo]

Just a bad day. Normally, I'm fairly balanced but lately i'm just really, really tired. There are just a lot of things going on all at once. Work has some big changes coming, and yesterday things began to get rolling. Bad things on the near horizon. It seems like limbo is not confined to relationships and that doesn't help. Someone at work commented on the pictures of my dogs, that I don't have anymore. And as an added bonus, I woke up at 3 am with this horrific dream about Her.

It seems as if the Universe has to throw everything into a shambles first in order to be able to rebuild our lives on a more solid footing. I look at it much like first razing a building to build a better foundation, and that way we will be able to have a more stable life. New wine in new wineskins, so to speak. Our Ws are going through much the same process, but they are even more confused and stressed out than we are, believe it or not.

I have gone, and am going, through the same things. First the dreams, and now the life changes. Everything in its season.

These things, too, shall pass, my friend. And we will be better for them.

To give some insight into this ... I was in the middle of a fairly long job search when she decided to walk out. I was the finalist for several pastoral positions and they just didn't pan out. So I ended up taking this other job (WAY out of my chosen field) as a way to keep getting paid while the search went on. About a month after I took the job, she left. With a separation my job search is on indefinite hold. So career-wise, I'm kinda stuck in limbo until this gets resolved. Without getting into all the the theological issues, if we head down the D road, it complicates the job search even further. She's told me that she carries much guilt over the fact that her decision does more than just affect our marital status.

I'm really sorry to hear that. Believe it or not, I can identify with your dilemma here, MW. I have a friend who felt the calling to get his DD and enter the ministry. He was actually in line for a scholarship at Harvard Divinity, and a placement directly after graduation. He seemed set. But then they saw his marital history- two Ds. It didn't make a difference to them at first, but then they seemed to have a change of heart. His first one, his wife just didn't seem ready to settle down- she wound up cheating on him and leaving. The second one, (unbeknownst to him at the time) went through an MLC. She tried to come back several years later after the D, but, he decided not to take her back because "she's not all there". They are still friends, and talk with each other on Facebook. He has told me that he is especially interested to know how my efforts with my W turn out. I have tried to educate him about MLC, and I think maybe that I have convinced him that this is what his 2nd W went through also, and in the back of his mind he is holding out hope that it IS possible to reconcile on the other side. I am wondering if I am his "test case".

It is a shame that the respective churches can't understand that, just because you've had a D, it has nothing to do with your devotion to God.

There's nothing you can do about your Ws guilt, MW. This is all her- she will have to confront the consequences of her own actions. I would say to let her.