Over the Shock and GALing 6

[Thinker]

Greek,

In response to your question re my W and my Family:

We have always gotten along pretty well with each other's families. Her family is larger, more boisterous, and people in it tend to get angry, yell, etc. My family is smaller, quieter, and more introspective (Ya Think!! : ). Both families are pretty inclusive of in-laws and since we got married she has always been a part of our family events and vice versa.

There has been some tension between Mrs. Thinker and my sister in the past, and my mother (being very passive aggressive) annoys Mrs. Thinker to no end. For the most part, however, everyone gets along.

My family events are a bit uncomfortable for her simply because the families are different. It is also clear that she would always rather be with her family and resents (a bit) those holidays we spend with my family. She keeps score - how much time with my family, how much with hers, etc. and can get angry / resentful if she thinks she is getting shortchanged in the time we spend with her family.

She has also told me once (during MC) that I "used to treat her family like sh_t". She was emotional and overstating at the time (I was always polite and respectful) but she meant that I did not make a big effort to get to know her family members, did not really court her parents approval, prioritized work over time spent with her family, preferred spending time with my family, etc. Fixing this has been one of the changes I made (now I get accused of being too perfect in the eyes of her family )

My family knows that things are not going well, and a while ago I had to ask them to back off a bit because they all started being overly solicitous, overly nice to her, etc. It was putting her under a lot of pressure.