I'm 31. wife 28. married 1,5 years. we've met online (skype) 2,5 years ago. spent countless hours talking face to face. she came to Poland for holidays, I came to Canada for a month... it clicked. came back home - sold apartment, quit the job and moved to Canada. we got married (03.2008) after half a year and were initially very happy.
Emigration was a big shock for me - I couldn't work cause paperwork took almost a year to get me eligible to work. Money I brought from Poland started running out, I got insecure... She promised it would be fine - and it wasn't. I used every opportunity to remind her she failed. She promised I'll have work permit quick etc etc.
She attended school / was working... I was constantly bringing her down - sitting at home, doing nothing, playing computer games all the time and being not content with her. I was a selfish bastard and I can see it now fully. I was bringing her down. At the same time she admits I helped her alot in her business - to setup everything, find an office etc. I was like in a split personality - constant mood swings.
My permanent residence came in 12.2008. 01.2009 I got a well paid job and it was all better for me. I wasn't insecure anymore. But it was a little too late it seems. She dropped a bomb 2 weeks ago. She said she doesn't love me anymore and in fact she never did. I saw her getting colder and colder for the past 2 months.
She was in previous marriage for 6 years (married very young). Her parents are pastors and she was always on a tight leash.
She says I didn't care about her and there's no passion in our relationship anymore. She wants freedom and she wants to experience life. She says she slept with other men for almost half a year (not single one) cause our sex is boring and there's no fire - so she went to look for it somewhere else.
My initial reaction was to pull her to me as hard as I could - I begged, I cried. and it only pulled her further away from me. A week ago we almost separated - I told her I want to make it work no matter what, but it requires 2 people to work on the marriage. I've changed a lot in me in the past month and she admits she sees the changes but she doesn't want to be with me anymore. She doesn't feel connected and there's only a paper we signed between us. I told her I forgive her because in part - I understand her feelings. and I almost packed my bags. Then she said she will try to get close to me again - but she isn't sure if she's still able to.
So I'm GALing for the last 4 days. Started going to gym, changed the diet, picked up photography again. I'm trying to be happy with even the smallest things.
We're living in the same house, talking, smiling, sleeping in one bed. We walk the dog together, she puts her feet on my lap when we're on the couch watching tv.
There's no sex and no physical connection at all. I'm not trying to pull her to me even it's so hard not to do it. She talks about her work and experiences she had during the day and I listen to her very closely and provide advice and support when it's needed. I don't try to hug/kiss her. I don't call, sms, e-mail during the day.
I must admit - I'm a bit lost. I understand mistakes I've made - I'm working to become a better man as I'm fully aware that at some point I got lost. I'm rediscovering myself again.
At the same time friends are saying 'if she doesn't love you - it won't work'.
