WAW and 4 kids

[tryingtilDorR]

Apparently S17 told W sarcastically today "maybe you should introduce me to your boyfriend". W sent me a txt msg about it and isn't pleased obviously. S17 and D15 knew several months back that W had a 'friend' that she was too close with and it made Dad really mad, which explained some of the arguing they were hearing. S17 must have overheard the recent argument/discussion from the past week. It was a discussion in private, but W yells and it becomes public quickly I guess but we didn't think anyone was around. I need to talk to him about it.

Other than that, I am finding more and more that I really don't care about OM more and more as time moves on. She is going to do what she is going to do and I have no control. Talking about OM just raises his importance above any level that it should be. The real issue was that she didn't want the M and now this is just 'in the way' of making progress really. She maintains that it is a 'friend' only but I know better (and so does she). I truly believe that as long as there is ANY unneccessary contact with OM the M is doomed (may have been anyway but I think not if both decide they want to work on it).

When you finally drop that rope, then you won't CARE what she does and you won't discuss anthing with her b/c you DON'T CARE! Only you can reach that point in your attitude. Nobody can do it but you and once you're there.....you will feel it in your spirit b/c you will have a sense of peace and you'll stop thinking, worrying, and fretting over anything in this stitch. You will move forward with your own life. Isn't that worth achieving?

I do care about her, but I am finding that I feel less 'needy' and 'dependent' when it comes to her. I stopped groveling and pleading with her months ago, and only now make some pointed statements about her 'choice' to not work on her marriage, etc etc which she argues isn't a choice and that it just IS. But I am feeling less compelled to even do that anymore after the events of the past week. I noticed that I am sleeping better the past 2 nights as well and I am not wondering what she is doing constantly and not feeling the urge to talk to her. I notice how less stressful it is when she isn't around and how it is a good thing.

the WAW knows when you have truly dropped the rope. THEY KNOW! They can see it in your eyes and hear it in your voice. The see it in your attitude. THEY KNOW. You cannot fake it, you have to "arrive" at dropping the rope.

These words have stuck in my mind - I realize how right you are Sandi and I never had considered what effectively detatching and dropping the rope meant when viewed from WAW's perspective. A definite change in the weather occurs. It isn't just stopping the R talks and the above-normal kindness/affection towards the W, it is an 'aura' or 'attitude' but not impolite/being a jerk/etc.

BTW - to anyone reading who is in the same sitch I recommend reading Love Must Be Tough by Dobson. It definitely reinforces many of the things discussed here.