What I've done since BF left - Started to work out 3 am wk Keep busy gardening, working, quality time w/ DD Training dog to do lots of fun tricks
Reflected & analyzed R and sitch to better understand. I can't say there was much going wrong in R that I would have to change or work on. Mainly it's just that I disrespected his request to not add 2nd cat. So for him, I suppose it was that I disregarded his feelings. I underestimated how serious this was for him. I've acknowledged that my approach was the wrong way to go about this. I've apologized. Whenever I speak to him, I've hidden my despair & sadness and always sound upbeat. I have validated and listened. The last convo was the first time I admitted I love him and that I miss him and hope we can work something out. He admits he loves me also but that he can't forgive what i've done. He told me he has no interest in meeting another woman. He claims it was a humiliating experience to explain to his family & friends that I prefer a cat over him. Of course I have a different perspective than he does. I believe compromise can be made. Positives: 1.Initially he wanted no contact w/ me, but he now seems happy to hear from me. 2.The 1st couple wks he left, he ignored my occasional text message, now he responds within minutes. 3.He has now admitted he loves me. We both confessed we have not dated op since we met 4 yrs ago - even in the past 5 months we've been apart. 4. The fact that he is afraid I would attempt to manipulate his feelings if we saw ea. other may mean that his own resolve is weak and he doesn't trust himself to stand his ground if we were to meet face to face. Negatives: 1.He is not willing to take dialogue into direction that could bring mutual understanding & reconciliation. 2. Despite what I want, he is in control of where this goes or doesn't go. Strategy: 1. I know he will not contact me. I will continue to make a check in call every few wks. I will not ask him for more again. I will not speak about my feelings again. But rather try to appear cheery & fun. 2. I may write to him putting all on the line. This may be more powerful on paper and he will not feel it necessary to respond, but it may sink in. 3. He mentioned he needs to pick up some things he left behind. I will be certain that house is clean & organised and smells yummy & familiar. I may even have cooked food to offer! Maybe he'd linger a bit and the familiar home he walked out on may make him sentimental. How could I know there is progress? 1. It will be clear he's happy to talk with me. 2. He'll laugh with me. 3. He'll confide in me about problems or situations he is dealing with. 4. He will talk to me about his feelings, unprovoked. 5. He will be willing to forgive me for disrespecting his feelings about the cat. We may discuss compromises possible to make the r work despite my affection & his disdain for pets.
