You H sounds like my (STBX)W. They are content to live like that indefinitely. I also have seen absolutely no evidence of an OP, just a complete lack of interest in me or being married. It's not a good way to live.
I think the first step towards taking care of yourself is to get over the feeling that somehow it is your fault. I was sure for years that she was "right" and I was "wrong". It took a C, this site, and time for me to finally see that taht thinking wasn't right. I finally wrote a letter to her last November, her reaction made it clear that I wasn't doing anything but banging my head against the wall. She was still there because it was the easiest thing to do, and she had what she wanted. So now I am headed towards D, but I feel a lot better. It isn't killing me. I know I did what I could.
On the kid front, I think your D18 and my S19 may be made for each other!
