H was home, in a superb mood, loved dinner, another few hours of fog clearing, etc... Took the family, plus D18's out on the boat for an hour or so once it got dark. Fun.
I told D18 the friends could come over, but they had to leave by 11:30pm, as I had to be up early. 10:30pm comes along and D18 comes upstairs by me and says, "Dad says the kids can stay until midnight, so they are." I tell her they're not, since DAD is leaving to go back out of town within minutes, wont' be around to supervise, and I told you that I have to be up early. (minimal squabble)
11:40pm comes around... D18 is not answering her phone (I was already in jammies and didn't want to go enforce time to leave.) They finally leave five minutes later. D18 comes up and throws a complete fit re: being grounded for not having a job (had been warned to get one since April, but she was too busy attending 3 proms, grad stuff, etc...), can't wait to move out (supposedly moving to an apartment w/two friends, and attending local college - BECAUSE her grades didn't stay intact to attend EIU this fall), and will never have to see me or talk to me then. I told her that that is fine, but if you're going to be that rude to someone just trying to make you a productive and decent adult, you can handle the funding of your education on your own, as well. And, feel free to move out now, if you're so miserable. She goes into her room, starts packing stuff, slamming, etc... I tell her that we were very supportive of her moving out, assisting is "stuff" to fill the apartment, helping w/banking etc... But, since you're leaving early, under these circumstances, while fighting, you need to leave your phone, your computer, your house keys, and you can only take the clothes on your back. "Fine!" Swear swear grumble, slam...
And, she's gone...
I called H, slightly crying, more mad. Tell him what happened w/out too much emotion/drama. He said that I did the right thing. She'll be back tomorrow, after she realizes she can't live like she is without our support. She just needs a dose of reality.
So, there we are folks.
Does it ever end? Kids!!!
PS - Don't think I'm awful for letting her go. She has about 10 best friends in the immediate neighborhood, whose friends are ours. She probably went to one of their homes, but all will support us, and not let her stay.
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
so what's the idea or consensus on living in limbo, does it help or hurt to live in limbo for a long time. Does living in limbo for a long time just make the spouses use to their situation and live as is without any impetus to push forward and improve/get better?
so what's the idea or consensus on living in limbo, IT IS NOT A HEALTHLY WAY TO LIVE.
does it help or hurt to live in limbo for a long time. EMOTIONALLY IT TAKES IT TOLL AND AFTER A WHILE THE WRINKLES IN YOUR FOREHEAD SPELL OUT SEX CAMEL.
Does living in limbo for a long time just make the spouses use to their situation and live as is without any impetus to push forward and improve/get better? YEP. YOU REALLY HAVE TO WONDER WHAT IS GOING ON IN THEIR MINDS TO PUNISH THEMSELVES TO SUCH UNHAPPINESS.
I've been technically living in limbo for 18 months, and have been actively DB'ing for eight months. The DB'ing has helped the most in creating a calm atmosphere, however, I'm not able to detach from the emotions of the rejection. I've tried everything everyone has told me, and come up w/failure on this front, and a lot of f'in kleenex balls in the garbage. It's just so frustrating because we really get along well, function great as a parental/family unit. The husband/wife part is where he/WE fall short. He is here for the kids. Period.
So, this living in limbo is (in his eyes) perfect for him. He gets to keep his family, have his laundry done, eat his favorite dinners, but not have to "commit" to anything more emotionally/physically. He's been under a ton of stress (financially/IRS man calling), and it appears we're starting to work out of it. (WE LIVE LARGE! Not so fun anymore)
So, this living in limbo is pure misery for me.
Where's my courage?
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
Steve... LOL... Gosh, I was sobbing replying to Robx's post, and then read yours and literally laughed my as* off! GOD!
I agree... It is NOT a healthy way to live. I agree... It takes it's toll on you emotionally. Re: wrinkles - sex camel - THANK GOD FOR BOTOX!!! I agree... It is a question mark why they would punish themselves like this.
I've checked every which way, too... There is really NO evidence of anyone else in his life. In any way.
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
Sounds like your H has been under a lot of pressure during that period. How many times do you think he has actually stopped and look back at you during that time? I reckon it was about once every 6 months with my H.
-- printed her tuition bill (due 7/22) -- pulled her car insurance bill -- pulled her cell phone bill -- got a quote on medical insurance (WITH MATERNITY) -- and, printed a title transfer to her car.
And, txt'd her boyfriend, and asked him to have her call me. He's a cutie, and would do anything to keep peace!
So, D18 called, and (I already had figured this out) told me she had stayed at her friend, Paige's house, and was willing to listen. So, I told her (calmly) that she has until the end of the day to get this situation resolved with me (us). She has only a few weeks that she (supposedly) will be living at home, and she can live by our rules, OR NOT. And, IF NOT, I would like her here at 10am tomorrow to turn over the above mentioned bills, and change the name on the title of her car (in H's name, but she paid for it). She asked about the title name change and I told her we want H's off of it in case she doesn't pay insurance, etc... She said she didn't have to do that. I told her that no, she didn't, but if not, I'll have our Police Officer neighbor run her license, and have it towed home, and it will then be ours.
She sat silent for almost five minutes. Then said, she would think about this during the day, and would probably come home, and follow the rules.
Tough love stinks, but this is what happens when these kids are given everything... No need to work or exert effort to get something. Sucks that she has to be given such a high dose of the tough love!
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
Been there did the "you are the one person in the world who is supposed to have my back and you are throwing knives in it while I am not looking" routine! With the tears and all yep! Pre DB.
Post DB, he turned to me once and said "how are you really doing"? It was out of the blue, I wasn't expecting it but his eyes were clear. I said "I get you need space right now, but I am...disappointed in the lack of respect you have shown me to get this" Thats all I said (major difference for me!) but it also got a change in 80% of the bad behavior overnight literally. He was just in that zone, for a short period of time. I am sure my original 5 hour rant that was my first answer would have had him out the door by now.
Just expect your next window when you do not expect it, if you know what I mean!
