D and GF met this past weekend and D loves her. GF really enjoyed D as well. There was an interesting bump as X got involved on the 4th when she was talking w/D.

X and D chatted and then X told me at swim lessons that D said GF called X a liar about fireworks. Well, that is completely false as GF isn't that type of person and I would NEVER subject my D to a person like that.

So, today I spoke w/X about it and she got tense w/her body language and was on the defensive. All I did was ask her to trust my judgment about the people I expose D to and to communicate w/me about things D says. I told her I need to do the same w/her when D tells me things.

However, I also pointed out to X that I ALWAYS give her the benefit of the doubt when D tells me things, but I wasn't sure X did the same. So, I asked her to trust me first and for us to make sure we all three talk about issues when D says things so D can learn to be sure to tell the truth as well as know that X and I are working together and we do communicate.

My concern is D will eventually look to play us off of each other if she knows we won't pull her into a conversation with the both of us.

So, how did X react? She said nothing, but her face and body tightened up. It was very clear she felt she was being attacked and lectured by me, but I didn't do that at all. I was firm and clear w/what I wanted and I even thanked her for allowing me to voice my concerns and how I may not be completely correct, but I do want to make sure the two of us are always working in D's best interest regardless of our personal feelings for each other.

I'm sure I'll get a bitchy e-mail and I'm prepping for its arrival. I'll make sure to not get defensive and restate my desire for us to work TOGETHER for D and not take this personally.

I'll admit I did thow a small dig in to her today (just like I did two days ago by telling her "I'll be damned if I'll let our D believe our divorce was all my fault b/c you know well we're both equally at fault and both did our part." I got another one in when X told me of a friend's troubled marriage when I replied "Well, you've got to give her credit for having the courage to try and make it work instead of giving up and running.").

Today's "dig" was an example I used of how I'm careful to give her the benefit of the doubt, but I'm not sure she's on the same page w/me. I said: "It is like the time when D told me you let her sleep w/only her pull-up on. I told her I didn't believe you'd do that but regardless, you can't do it when you are w/me. When she tried that same tactic w/you - saying I only let her sleep w/her pull-up on - you wanted to call CPS on me. Instead of trusting me and working w/me, you allowed her to manupulate you. This is why we need to make sure we're talking about these things directly w/D to keep her from working us both."

Needless to say, X didn't like that story very much. However, I don't care b/c I'm going to continue to establish my boundaries while making sure she knows that regardless of what X chooses to do, I'll continue to take the high road and won't throw her (or her boyfriend) under the bus.

So, that's the latest from my world, folks! Hope all is well w/you.

I have D today and tomorrow, but I'll try to catch up w/you all when I can.

RTL


M:38; D: 6
Divorce Final: 10/6/08