Another Waw

[Refuse to quit]

A bit late but an update none the less. Had the kids on Thurs. and it went really well. Wife was pleasant on picking up the kids and when I dropped them off I picked up her favorite ice cream. She got the biggest smile on her face and gave me a hug and said thanks. She has not hugged me in about a month. She immediately gave some to the kids and then turned and hugged me again. It made me feel pretty good. Did not talk about the R and kept the whole conversation on the kids. She keeps things pretty quiet herself. Whenever I see her she never tells me where she is going or what she is doing and if I ask she never directly answers. Not sure why she is keeping so secretive. I need to just keep doing the things that I am doing. They seem to be making some progress.
RTQ

[Refuse to quit]

Just got off the phone with the WAW. She was calling me back about exchanging the kids tomorrow. She thanked me for bringing them some things by (bagles/cookies) on Sat. I did not bring it up she did. She said they had a good 4th and I told her that I missed her and the kids. She was then quiet and I said to her "Did you miss me?" She said "We are going through a divorce!" It was all down hill from there. I just listened while she went off for a bit. Man can she make me feel like crap in a matter of seconds. I know I should not have asked her. But I feel like I am back at square one. Starting all over. Like the past 3 months have been worthless. I don't get it. How long does it take for someone to forgive and let go of all their anger? Said the typical stuff. Nothing has changed. You are the same blah blah blah. I just listened. I am wondering if I am going to make it. I need to see some signs of improvement.
RTQ

[Phoenixdeux]

She was then quiet and I said to her "Did you miss me?" She said "We are going through a divorce!"

You pretty much walked right into that one. I think it does kind of push it back to square one....you've done all these little niceties, and then, with your question, basically made all of that seem like a ploy to win her back.

How long til she's over the anger? Who knows...she may get over it and still not want you back. What you need to accept is that she wants a divorce. That doesn't mean you have to accept it too, or like it, but you can't behave towards her as though she's just been kidding about her intentions. I'd cool it with the sweet gestures and especially with any kind of R talk. I would not say you missed her. I'd cut down on the conversations...keep them short and positive. If you can't resist expressing your "missing", then keep it to you missing the kids.

[Refuse to quit]

Well I saw the wife yesterday and kept everything between me and the kids. It almost seemed like she was waiting for me to ask her about us or her feelings. I didn't and it felt pretty good afterwards. I am not putting myself out there anymore under any circumstances. My C and I talked before I saw the W. He really helped me see things from another perspective. Told me he feels like I have and am doing everything I can to make it work and I should find peace in that. Should things go through I can look back and say that I gave it my all. He said that he knew she wasn't. It was nice to hear because you always are looking to do more. What else is there that I can do to try to fix things? He helped me realize that all I can do is be the best dad and the best me possible. I know that I am doing that. I know that she needs help. I wish she was still seeing the C or any C for that matter. I know one day she will realize what she has done. I am not sure if I will be there for her when she does. I know that sooner or later I need to move on and when this is over or should it go through I will.
RTQ

[dburt]

No more little treats, she knows that you were trying to do, and she called you on it.

Go back to square one, which is really dark, gal, and see where it takes you, you have pressured her and now she has validated her actions by your actions.

Remember, you cannot control her thinking, time to drop the rope. Many times they pick it back up.

Burt

[Refuse to quit]

Thanks Burt! I appreciate the help. I could tell the other day she was waiting for me to bring up the R and I would not do it. I will see her today and I am not going to do it either. I could tell the other day when I was dropping the kids off she was watching me interact with the kids. I felt like some sort of science project. Last night I ran into her parents. I thought it was funny that they pretended like they did not even know me. I just acted like it was nothing and went about my business. Thanks for all your help and support guys.
RTQ

[Refuse to quit]

A bit of an update. Have seen the wife a couple of times since the last post. I have been doing really good about not bringing up the R or the future for that matter. Things have been really good in our exchanges with the kids. I have noticed that she seems like she wants to spend more time together. There used to be times where she could not get the kids fast enough and leave. On Friday night when exchanging the kids it was her suggestion that we go and play at the McDonalds playground with the kids for a while. So I did. I was thinking the whole time this is crazy why would she want to be here with me? I still did not bring us up and just played with the kids and felt like I would stay there all night if she wanted. The last two exchanges have lasted about 45 minutes. Talking about the kids and what they did or are doing seems to be going over pretty well. Today is her birthday. I have not called or texted her yet. I think I might later tonight. I guess I feel like these are little signs of improvement and I am grateful for that but I am waiting for something big. I guess that will probably just take a while. Thank you all for your advice. I really appreciate it.
RTQ

[Refuse to quit]

Update for today and a bit of journaling I guess. Well I called the wife at about 7:00p.m. just to wish her happy birthday. Went to voicemail and I did just that. I am glad I did because although I know things can be twisted either way I am doing what I feel in my heart is the right thing to do. I did nothing more that wish her a happy birthday. Today here at work she just called me on the phone. I was shocked. She said that our S wanted to talk to me. After he did for about 5 minutes she got on the phone and talked to me for another 15. Is this change? I did not bring us up and never expressed my feelings towards her in any way. She did say that she got my call and thanked me for calling on her birthday. I keep wondering if this is a fluke thing or insignificant or if I am making something out of it that it isn't? Any ideas?
RTQ

[dburt]

It is totally your actions that she is noticing, be very mysterious, do things that you would like to do but do not do very often or at all.

This dropping the rope you are doing helps a bunch, she is starting to wonder if you are going to be on the other end of the rope. She is starting to pick it up and see if you are there.

We want what we cannot have, when we lose something that is when we want it the most.

Burt

[Refuse to quit]

Thanks Burt,
I have thought about her call all night probably more than I should have. I can't help but think that it is a positive sign from her. I know before I was looking for things like she had her wedding ring back on, or she would put the D proceeding on hold but I know now that this is not going to happen until she decides to come back. Then it will all fall into place. These little things like this are things to look for and I guess as I see the frequency of these things increase I can know that things are progressing. I keep reminding myself that a month ago this would not have happened. Another thing that happened on Sunday was that she hung out with my sister for a while and they set up a time to take the kids out on Mon(7/20). Again this is somthing that has not happened since she left. Her and my sister were really good friends before all of this and my sister has kept the door open. I keep holding out hope that this trip with the kids goes through. I know it would be another avenue. Thanks again Burt!
RTQ