First Timer

[wolverine1997]

Sandi,

You really know what to say at the right time. Again thanks. Sometimes you just need to hear positive feedback from others to give you the motivation and strength to continue.

Now let me try to answer some of your questions. First, i don't think that she would ever go to that same "zombie" like state that she experience earlier on. Right now she is so deteremined to "take charge of her life" at all costs. She has told me several times that right now "she" is number one in her life and that she is focusing on making herself happy. She said that for years she has sacrificed things that she had wanted to do but no more. She then flip/flops into saying that she is focusing on the kids, and they are #1, etc. So I doubt that she will ever get to that point again but at the same time she still has no idea of what she is doing.

I stepped down from my position within the congregation because first, it allows me to spend more time with my family and second, with my wife not serving or attending anymore it limits my effectiveness and ability to teach and counsel others. Many could rightly question how I can give them Biblical direction and guidance when obviously my own family (wife) isn't living in harmony with God's word. Now, I must say that I have no evidence or even serious thoughts that my wife has done anything wrong. I don't think that she is involved in an EA or PA or anything like that. Now she does hang out with relatives and co-workers at times but her lifestyle is not outrageous. But it would be questionable behaviour though for a woman who professes to serve God. Her behaviour is not really bad, it is just below the standards that we both had always set for ourselves and had lived by for so many years.

When I told her that I was stepping down she was truly oblivious to the decision. She didn't care at all. She even told me that I should have done so a long time ago and that had I done so earlier I might not have lost my wife. She then told me that I only stayed in my position to keep up appearances. Needless to say this hurt and bothered me a lot. But me giving up a huge part of my life never affected her at all.

I do have minister friends who I have confided in and their loving help has been greatly appreciated. But even with that, it is very hard to dicuss such a personal situation with others. So often I suffer in silence. But, this is also how I know that prayer truly helps. As much as I keep things bottled up inside, only talking to God about them, I have been able to continue on. I know that this is only due to the power of God. I know that I have not been able to continue on this far just on my own strength.

I also believe that DR/DB principles are helpful as well. They have and continue to show me mistakes that I have made in my marriage and have helped me to see areas within myself that I need to improve upon. So regardless of what my wife does, I feel that I am becoming a better person.

I pray for my wife everyday and hope that at some point she will see that she needs help. I also pray that she will realize that she is giving up more than she can ever hope to gain with the current decisions that she is making. Again, thankyou so much for your kind words and your help.