So yesterday, like some predicted, when H got home from the gym......it was like there had been no blow out. And I'm not complaining. I think it helped I had dinner ready for him and he was starving. He thought he was coming home to make us dinner...so nice little surprise for him. (And truth be told, one of my GALing efforts is learning to cook. I'm not much of one, but I'm working on it....no one dropped dead last night, which is always good!)
We did do the marriage program last night. I was going to leave it up to him to bring it up since we are supposed to be doing it on Wednesday nights, but I decided when he got home, "We are going to do this" and reminded him. The moaning and groaning was less this time, but still there.
As part of the program, we have a set date night, which we agree is Tuesdays now. No movies, or TV. We have to do something where we interact and it has to be 1 1/2 hour dates. He says we already do this.....with S. I said nope, just you and me. He said it's too hard with a 3 year old. I let him know a friend of ours has offered to watch S for us on date night.
Later in bed, he told me more about the fight he had with OW. I'm not sure why, but he wanted to tell me, so I let him. He really went off on her.
I told him somethings her ex-boyfriend told me about why he dumped her. (And he did it in grand fashion, her stuff in trash bags on the front lawn, locks changed.) H was silent because I think he saw the same things the ex did. The ex made her sound pretty cruel and ugly. And I get the impression that's how H is seeing her now too.
I have committed to this: I will never talk about OW again. FOREVER. I think H has learned his lesson. Or at least I hope so, he told me he did.....so I'll just have to believe him. So here is where I'm torn....what if he needs to vent some more about that situation? Do I let him? Or change the subject? I want him to talk to me and not others.....so I need to make a call there. I think he's in a phase where he's saying good bye to all of that, mourning if you will.
I think I'm going to just work on putting into practice everything we've learned from the program so far and not do anything next Wednesday. At this point, much of it mirrors what I've been reading in DR about putting it all together. Maybe really take our time getting through this but there are some things toward the end of the program I want to get to, where it covers EA's in GREAT depth. H needs to hear that. And these past two weeks were the things I needed to hear esp. about affection. H's main complaint I'm learning now is he missed affection from me in a very very big way.
