I repect your feelings and was not pointing fingers at any "one" post and that is why I made sure I said "some" post that the LBH's had responded. My point in my response to Deep was to try to show some things maybe he was not admitting to himself about his "own" connection with the OW who was very willing and had made it more than plain that she waanted an A with him.....and for him to run to help recuse OW and as he admitted....was vernable to doing something stupid. I just did not see any of the LHS's "seeing" that message in his thread. I wanted to point the fact out that he was not completely 100% innoncent and that he had kept his contacts private from his W until it was finally exposed (by the way I read it in his posts). I merly wanted him to see from both sides.
In no way am I "defending" her actions, but some LBH's talk about how "eviscerating for a man to be betrayed"; it's emasculating. It's as if they are more hurt than a woman due to what it does to their masculinity and I don't think that makes it any worse than what it would do to a "woman" for her WAH to leave her.
I got the impression that Deep was seeing himself in too much of a squeaky-clean picture here in this stitch and that is why I pointed out about his conncetion with OW. He admits that they still contact each other occassionaly and "know how" to reach each other. He "knows" this OW wanted an A with him, regardless of how "he" may have felt about it. He even said that he "was suppose to stop all contacts with OW". Then he says that they still contact each other about once a year. That is all it could take for an A to happen if the OW is willing and he's vulnerable.....but the point is he is "still" contacting her.....even if through the workforce. He should realize and respect no contact with OW based upon his feelings of his own W contacting her OM. This is a two-way street and that is what I wanted to point out.
I was not trying to diminish the damage his W has done. I think she will continue to keep Deep controlled by her emotional blackmailing ways as longs as he succumbs to it. When a woman takes an OD in "front" of her H, doesn't he know that she realized he'd get her to the ER in time to save her? That is why I asked him about it. I have seen this technique used before, and believe me, the W had no intentions of killing herself. It is a "controll" issue. Anyway, didn't mean to get off into all of that.
I am NOT defending his wife and I wanted to make that clear. I am not saying he was not crushed by her A. I simply wanted for the LBH's to open their eyes, b/c it was apparent to me they could not see the importance of Deep's actions were with that OW. He kept insisting that he was not in an EA, but then he kept referring back to OW and saying "what if". He admitted he could have been stupid and let it go too far. So, guess what? He's human too!
No, I'm not defending his W, but it is something to watch when the LBH's gather at one place and start listening to the things they say about the WAW and it gets to be like a "LBH's Club" for WAW haters. I know you guys have never said you hated WAW's.....so don't go off the deep end.....just making a point about how it looks to a woman reading those posts. It's pretty hard to hear some of the things "some" men have to say. A person would get the idea that all LBH's are saints and all WAW's are demons (I believe that was a term Deep used to describe his W). That is just not the case in each stitch. I wanted the LBH's to see that point.
Later, Sandi
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
