I'm asking you this because we have discussed thinking it is relevant to our sitches. When H switched from country to rap, started going to shooting range & fishing (had never done these things throughout our R, but had during childhood), do you think it could be indicative to the time period in which he needs to "fix" now?
I asked him tonight (making reference to our son) at what age he shot bb guns the most & did the most fishing. He said around 10. I also asked him who his mom was married to at the time (started to question my questions), but I believe it was to the alcoholic/abusive 2nd marriage. They used to have to sneak out the back door of the house when he came home drunk. His kids were older & H's mom once came home & found H had been tied to a tree for HOURS by the older kids. Just a couple of weird snippets from reminiscing that stuck out to me over the years.
I don't think it is any specific time, or any specific event.
It is the overall feeling of "missing" something.
To him, these may be things that he has always wanted to do , but never felt free enough to do them.
In my experience, A has many new interests and hobbies that usually fizzle out pretty quickly. Different things that interest her one week and collect dust after that.
I think that they believe that happiness hinges on materialistic things. And it is a process that HAS to be followed.
MLC ? Life Crisis ? Life evaluation?
Jimbo ? Got an answer to what the hell is happening ?
It's about trying all the things that he always WANTED to do........nudge,nudge...
All the stuff Mach mentioned is within my experience, too. Also in my experience is the observation that MLCers are very suggestible. You could even add to the list of speculations and say that maybe he has latched onto some new friends who are into those things, and he's following along....or that he's trying to relive the past, or rebel against his present, or, or, or......
Originally Posted By: Mach1
Jimbo ? Got an answer to what the hell is happening ?
"So what is happening here? ....Who the hell knows."
PATIENCE AND FORTITUDE CONQUER ALL THINGS. -Ralph Waldo Emerson
DBing and MLC take their toll....Please provide exact CHANGE. -Jimbo
ok next question...when people say to give the MLCer space, does that mean if he is watching tv in the living room, I should leave him alone (like find something to do in another room)? Should I figure when he works things out...or if he is on an "up", he'll come to me? Or should I try to keep a more friendly vibe going? I'm not mean or cold to him...in fact, I am nice & upbeat around him...but if I don't get the impression that he wants to talk, I have started to go into my office, hang out on the computer, work, etc.
I don't mean this in a sense that I haven't detached & am trying to elicit a response from him. I just wonder the best way to keep things on friendly terms (or does it even matter - should I figure he just needs space & treat him as an acquaintance)?
Is it typical that the MLCer will not touch me & make sure that we NEVER do anything alone together? Is my H just a really mad MLCer?
I guess the answer to all these questions as Jimbo put is is Who the hell knows...!
Me 36, Him 33 M 11yrs, T 15yrs S 8, D 7 ILYBINILWY - 1/09 H moves out 10/09 D to be final SOON I HOPE!
My H does a lot of the same things it sounds like. He doesn't want to do anything alone with me and in fact doesn't seem to want to give the appearance of being a "family" out in public either (yet he still lives here).
I am doing the same things as you - trying as much as possible to not be in the same room as him especially if he is there first, I wait for him to come to me, I try to be friendly and upbeat, etc. When he is in his pi$$y moods I just ignore, ignore, ignore.
Like the title of your thread, I am "cautiously optimistic" because I do see some glimmers . . .
And I do think your last sentence is the answer to all questions in regards to our MLCers!
If MLC is about resolving something in childhood or a skipped life transitional period, could this not just be an excuse? Or the way they "set you up to be" during the withdrawal stage? Could you not have been the perfect wife, but at some point, the ugly "crisis" child would have reared up it's head to assert itself no matter how strong the M?
I believe, yes. But the other side to that is this: eventually, it will resolve itself. You just have to wait it out. When you get to the other side of this, he'll one day thank you for being the strong one and holding the family together.
If MLC is about resolving something in childhood or a skipped life transitional period, could this not just be an excuse? Or the way they "set you up to be" during the withdrawal stage? Could you not have been the perfect wife, but at some point, the ugly "crisis" child would have reared up it's head to assert itself no matter how strong the M?
I believe, yes. But the other side to that is this: eventually, it will resolve itself. You just have to wait it out. When you get to the other side of this, he'll one day thank you for being the strong one and holding the family together.
I think that the trigger is mostly set in motion at a younger age, and they HAVE to do this...However, there are things that you did to contribute to it.
Believe nothing that you hear is great, but there has to be some creedence placed on the complaints that are directed at you......
If you stand, don't stand still ( nickel Trapt )....
It is not an excuse to walk by the mirror, you have to stop and look into it...
I believe that they all come back eventually.....who and where we are at that time will greatly affect the outcome....
Are you willing to take that chance ?
I'm not...
The work needs to be done regardless....
You have the strength, and support from all of us L ....
It can be done, and you can be the one to do it.
God has placed this in your lap for a reason, cause YOU can handle it....
