Advice on DB-ing when sep spouse lives at home

[cat04]

You know, I have wondered if that is part of the problem as well. My strength slowly disappeared as this thing started and was gone by the time of bomb 2. It has returned though, most days anyway.

I think last night was a trial for everyone. My H too did some very out of the blue stuff. Talking about his mother, I did not get upset, I did not say I told you so, I just said oh and a few other inocuous things. Then he came and layed down on his side of our bed. He hasn't done that since September. It was all very strange and very trying for me. But nice.

Do your best to follow the advice here. If you read enough where you actually understand the MLC monster, and then you do your best to stop the wondering, you will be surprised what realizations that you come to. I have, in the last few months, been able to see some of the conversations that I did have with H's family members and others who knew him before me, that I was being shown some of the underlying things then that I had never known before. At the time, I was just surprised that it took these people 18 years to share the info and why didn't they before. I recently have seen the actual beginning of this and what H's actual issue with me in this whole thing is. Never would have realized this stuff if I had been analyzing him and his actions the whole time. Plus, if you believe in the Law of Attraction and that we are all energy, the more you think about it, the more energy you give to the situation. As much as I want to understand, I also do NOT want to know more than I need to. That means not trying to figure out what is going on in H's head. That means not caring about what he does when he is not here.

One more thing to keep in mind, I have heard this many times but it is hard to believe unless you live it, they won't remember a lot of the conversations you have. I was sharing with H yesterday on the way to the store about my night sweats (I've been having then for a few years). He asked me AGAIN why am I having night sweats. Well, as this is the third thing this week alone that he totally has no clue about, I just asked him jokingly, "where have you been for the last year?" I am going through perimenopause. I have been for a few years but it was not confirmed until last summer by the doctor. I was 36 at that point. His comment "you seem awfully young for that". DUH....And we have talked about it over these last many months more than once. I believe that I have been shown again his forgetfulness as a reminder to cut him a little slack.

Please remember to keep your expectations at zero. He could be shifting from one stage to the next, but he can go backwards at any point as well. That hurts. And remember, even though you want your M, them coming through this does not mean your M will survive. I hate to say that to anyone, but it is something I need to remind myself of a lot.

Glad you enjoyed your kids yesterday. They can be a saving grace through the whole thing. You are doing good even though you may not feel like you are.