hello fellow dber's. I was a heavy poster 4-5 yrs ago while my M was falling apart due h infidelity. I was not the best at db, but did find it effective & helpful on a few levels. H did come around & sought reconciliation after ow & he split. Was just too late for me & although I had dreamed of that day, I surprised myself to find out I was not interested in taking the ahole back. I had met a man I was sure was right for me and took the chance on something new. Well, now I'm sorry to be back here looking for strength focus & guidance once again. I never married my recent BF. But we've lived together 4 yrs. We were very committed and serious so I consider it a M, without the legalities. We broke up and he moved out in Feb. I call him every few wks to check in and have thought if he just had enough time for his pride to shrink & if I focused on PMA & GAL that it would all work out. Circumstances that caused our current situation are unusual, certainly not typical of what you'd see here ie ILUNILWU type bs. The other day I called him first time in wks. We had a nice convo & good flow so I asked if he'd like to meet me sometime for a drink or dinner. He said he doesn't mind if I call from time to time but that he has no interest to see me because he thinks I will take advantage of the strong feelings he has for me to manipulate the situation. He says he loves me, but that he's given up on R. He says he will never forgive me and can't get over what I did to cause the R to end. He says he is done w women, that he's focused on work & his son and has no interest in reconciling. I suggested counseling and he said no, it won't change reality. Really sad. Believe it or not, my unforivable offense.... I adopted a cat in Jan. He dislikes pets, esp. cats. I told him I wanted the cat and he said no. I got her anyway thinking he'd get over it. She was in the house a wk before I told him and he never noticed. Once I told him tho, he gave me 2 wks to rehome cat or he'd leave. I thought I'd call his bluff since I never thought he'd leave for what I see as a stupid reason. 2 wks passed while things were normal with us. At 2 wks point, he told me he noticed cat still in house & what had I decided. I told him I wanted to keep her. Within days he was gone. I've given him 5 months for his pride to shrink while I worked on my DB skills. Lack of patience was my enemy when I tried to save my M, so I have made strides in that dept. I have been so sure that this would blow over. Esp. now he lives near me & doesn't have to live w cat. He's so hurt & angry and feels I chose a pet over him. On my side, I am so hurt and angry that he would walk out over a cat. Is it just me..... or is this just crazy? We were so compatable on many levels and things looked very good for us and our future. I love him very much and he loves me. I think life is too short for this and just can't believe that a pet could end something that had so much potential. When he moved in w/ me I had 5 pets. 2 cats, 1 rabbit, & 2 dogs. I know that living with pets made him very uncomfortable, but he was willing to do so to be with me. I now know he assumed that he would out live all pets eventually and thought I'd never get new ones. I assumed that he would become endeared to their cuteness & learn to love them. We both assumed wrong. Meanwhile, my 14 yr old dog dies, my 21 yr old cat died, my 7 yr old rabbit died. This left me 1 dog, 1 cat. All was fine for a yr. But because BF was uncomfortable around cats in particular, I made huge compromises. Cat never allowed upstairs when he's home, not allowed in our bedroom. Cat has my DD to sleep with and 2 floors in home open to her and a backyard. But my cat is very affectionate & snuggly and I could tell she was lonely without a snuggle buddy. Esp. since the top floor was off limits and BF & I were primarily upstairs. I adopted an older cat to be her companion. Since BF moved in when I had 5 pets, I didn't see that having 3 was going to be a deal breaker. I take care of them & was considerate of his negative feelings for them. This does seem to be a fundamental difference between 2 people who are otherwise very compatable. I can't help but think it's absurd to walk away from a good relationship where there is love & communication over something foolish. I believe that as long as we love each other, there is hope to resolve this. I believe time is on my side. There are couples who survive real problems and I just can't see losing a R over something so dumb. I've admitted to him that I went about this wrong. I've apologized for how it made him feel. When he told me no new cat, I tried to sell him on the idea for wks. If I explain that my cat was lonely etc,, it's as if I'm talking about a cock roach. He just doesn't get it. I know it was inconsiderate to adopt cat wo his approval, but I really thought he'd get over it. I have such a hard time accepting the level he took it to.
I have been on this board enough to understand the types of problems couples are coping with. I feel unworthy to bring my troubles here. But I am in the same pain as anyone else here and seek a community of support. Does anyone else think this is qualifies as the dumbest reason to break up ever? I would like to believe that there is hope here. I offered to rehome new cat if he could allow my original cat access to our top floor living room so she can sit on my lap while I use computer or watch tv. He can't compromise. He says God never intended animal to live with man. Hmm. I must have missed that part. Much as I love the furries. I miss this man profoundly. He was my every day buddy. He's a man of principle and discipline. He is honest & trustworthy (unlike my ex) and our sex life was the best ever. Our kids got along, we made a nice family. Our r was so healthy in nearly every way. I don't really know why i'm here, but this board was a lifesaver for me b 4 and I have come to journal and find peace. I hope I haven't offended anyone by posting my absurd situation esp. when I am not M.
