I chose the wrong man. I didn't push when I should have. I didn't continue to grow but let myself get mired and comfortable. I glossed over things that were important. I loved the wrong man, and I loved him poorly. I became only part of a person, dependent on another. I made substitutions to meet my own needs. Everything that I thought was so right, almost perfect, was wrong. My happiness was wrong.
When everything went to hell, I couldn't detach, reacted in every way that every bit of advice told me would doom the marriage. I lost control, and almost lost my sanity and my life.
I lost my dreams, and those I had for my kids.
And I couldn't fix it. So now I have to live for a forever-wrong. And just make do as best as I can. Wasn't it enough that I had the forever-wrong childhood, live and learn and move on?
Everything that I feel and think about this, even the thinking about it, itself, is wrong.
I just want to drop the whole thing off the side of a cliff somewhere, turn around and walk away from it all. But how do you do that when it is something that is inside you, something you can't get away from?
