Newbie (again)

[dday101798]

uggh, what DOES this all mean? Why the abrupt urge from XW to be in contact?

IS it real, is it game?

Couldn't come at a worse time. I'm 'home' alone and my cousin just called in to make sure I was ok and as I 'shouldn't be alone this week'. I respect the caring notion, I really do, but I didn' tneed the reminder.

And thus, the 'coaster' goes down the hill for the night.

It would be so much easier if she (XW) just hated me and left for good. I have a heart, although not perfect at times in her regard, bu tit is there, and she knows how to use it against me.

I just hope I don't screw up during the course of whatever this is she has planned out now. I think I did very well today, kept a upbeat tone (which was easy as I was delighted to hear her voice in a upbeat as well).

I'm just afraid she's trying to pull me back in as that safety net, which I'd gldly be, but SIMPLY CAN NOT. She needs to hit the bottom, she needs to know what it feels like. But yet, I can't stand back and watch her go through it. BUT I MUST.

dylan, get your f'n head together man, get it together.