Thanks to PMA and Burt...I appreciate your words. To try and answer---
No, he is not a drinker. Yes, he has always been volatile, temper-wise, but not necessarily directed at me. He has been known to throw things in addition to yelling, but again, not at me. We faced a near-bankruptcy two years ago, which was avoided by me increasing my work hours (still 3 days/wk., but I work three 12's now). He works in construction (owns his own co.) and when the housing market went kaput, so did much of his work. His identity is centered around his work, so it was tough on him (especially with me making more $$.)
So the temper has worsened the last 2 years, but it's not a new thing, by any means. It just seems more directed at me lately. Anger-management classes have been spurned by him, in addition to any other counseling. ("You just want to change me into some pus#@. There's nothing wrong with showing some anger!") ???
When he yells and is hateful, I don't shy away from it (i.e. I don't cower or back away, but I don't return the yelling to escalate him any further, either. If reasonable talking doesn't help, I end up usually standing there and taking it, or slipping out of the room when he pauses for a breath (if he isn't blocking the exit, which he's done in the past). I'll take a walk, take a drive, do something just to give him a little "cool down", but often when I come back, he's still angry because I left and he had no target for the rest of the tirade. *sigh* Kids have only witnessed a handful of these episodes so far (a handful too many for me).
When I have told him that I'm considering divorce, he is angry first ("Just do what you need to do then! Go!"), then repentent in under 30 mins. ("I know I'm not easy to be with...but I can't imagine being without you...tell me what to do to try and make it better.") When I do try to suggest options for us, he says "I'll think about it" then rejects them in a couple days (after good behavior), saying "See? I can treat you better...we don't need counseling." And he eventually slips back into the usual anger patterns.
I'm not without blame, I don't mean to portray that I am. My H believes (per Christian right, he claims) that the man is the "head of the household" and has the right to "rule" his wife and family. That galls me so much, and I admit to smirks and outright derisive laughter at those statements (for which I'm called a "disobedient wife"). I am not a raging feminist, but I do want my opinion to matter an to be treated as a partner in this M, not a subservient.
Anyway, there I am.
BTW, Burt, how do I start a thread? I'm happy to do that but I'm fairly forum-challenged. Thanks again, all.
