Well, my thread finally locked sometime yesterday morning.
I'll begin with a short exchange that was in a movie I saw recently. Knowing this exchange would not ruin the plot or movie-watching experience, but I will keep it nameless and generic anyway.
Scene (just the basics): Conflicted woman is about to walk away. Significant Other man shows up unexpectedly. They exchange a few words. Non-hostile. She, unconvincingly determined. He, expressing (and insisting upon) truth.
She: "It would be easier if I just left." He: "Yes, it would be. Easier." She: "I'm afraid."
The core, the essence, the gist, the in-a-nutshell version of the mystery of my old marriage's reality.
The minimalist version of my situation as I begin a new thread.
Gardener
"My soul, be satisfied with flowers, With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them In the one garden you may call your own." Cyrano deBergerac
Not much new. Working, relaxing, Reading M & R books and some fiction thrown in for balance. Went out last night before my wife came over for mail (hasn't changed her address in 8 months, Hmm.) 4 hrs later she called while I was driving home. Didn't answer. Not DBing, just...no. Note at home to call her, please. No. I'm tired.
Called her this morning. She wanted to change the closing date on our re-fi. *Note: this was a dumb pre-DB thing I did. Her car loan, her rent, and other costs involved in setting up apartment have her well over the edge, financially. Consequences of her decision? Not then. I was pre-DB Mr.Nice Guy: "ReFi? Sure!"
She will be away taking the twice/year drive to visit midwestern daughter. This trip, my wife's sister is taking Gardener's place on the trip. Whatever. Sister's my favorite: she and I are quite close.
My wife asked me if I would go to her apartment everyday (5 days) and check on/feed our cat. Sure, I miss him. Will give me the key. Never offered me the key before. Two of our kids have key and usually do cat duty. Suddenly one "usually forgets" and the other is "kinda busy; I don't want to ask". So,"look for changes," right? Here's another. No idea what it means, but here's another.
Been spending a bit too much time DB reading, lotta time on this forum. Need to update new goals, plan more GAL.
Am finding myself more detached. Not working on it; it's seemingly just happening.
Gotta start working out again, though, I worked out for years. Got about 1/2 a gym downstairs that I haven't done anything with in months (except dust it!). Keep in good shape with hiking and my job, though. But I miss it.
That's it. Venting and rambling.... Thanks.
Gardener
"My soul, be satisfied with flowers, With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them In the one garden you may call your own." Cyrano deBergerac
Thanks, gima, Actually it was just a moment. Or more like ten minutes. Absence. Her absence. In my soul. Powerful. Has happened before and I just wanted to journal it, write it down this time. The day was good, actually. Night was good. Went to see S30 (actor) in a regional play. The walk out of the theatre somehow started me feeling it. Then at one point on the ride home I just looked to the passenger side of my truck and got one of those moments down in my marrow: "You're not there. You're not here."
I made a point to just feel it, the reality of it. Momentarily started to well up and just decided no. That can just become self-pity, wallowing. So I just experienced the is-ness of it. It is. And I was fine. I gotta write to cville again. I see you have. His situation, like yours and LFH's are quite similar to mine. That can mean a lot at times. Been posting quite a bit on other peoples threads, but haven't posted on mine in a day or two. Thanks for responding. I know it's just volume - and so little time - but every now and then when my thread is quiet, I think, humorously, of a phrase of my Sicilian father-in-law (RIP) and I think, "Hey, lately I couldn't get someone to post on my thread - here comes FIL - if I stood on my head and spit wooden nickels." Colorful guy.
How are you tonight, besides sleepless?
Gardener
"My soul, be satisfied with flowers, With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them In the one garden you may call your own." Cyrano deBergerac
I have had moments precisely like you have described. And I did exactly what you did - just decided I wasn't going to let myself fall in that big, black hole of unhappiness. And it works...almost every time.
OK night. My MIL (with whom I get along well) is here tonight - hey, my W is sleeping with someone in her bed - my MIL. W left a book out - pretty careless- entitled "The Good Divorce." That title always makes me laugh in a sad way. I knew she was reading it, but was angry she left it out where S-9 could have seen it. Got that frustration out at the gym. Overall, not something that made me feel good things about W.
W left a book out - pretty careless- entitled "The Good Divorce." That title always makes me laugh in a sad way. I knew she was reading it, but was angry she left it out where S-9 could have seen it.
Yeah, I saw that on your thread but didn't chime in. Besides I was torn between my first reaction of enforcing boundaries and moving the book yourself and my second reaction of letting W deal with it and answer any questions. You had already received similar advice.
The Good Divorce, huh? Where was that book in the bookstore? In the Oxymoron Section? Signing off. Take care, gima.
Gardener
"My soul, be satisfied with flowers, With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them In the one garden you may call your own." Cyrano deBergerac
It was actually next to Divorce Remedy at the bookstore I picked my copy from so someone put it out of place. I wonder if some WA was deciding between the 2.. Haha! I laughed when I saw the title.
