Bless your heart. I am so terribly sorry. I wished I knew what to tell you that would be encouraging. I can't imagination the frustration you must be going through. I have had to deal with "stubborness" in some of older family members, and some of the old fashion ideas about the same things as your W thinks. It can nearly make you pull your hair out! If you can't get through to a person's way of thinking, then there isn't much you can do. Outside of finding an adult mentally incapable of taking care of themselves, I don't know what to do, either. If she fights you when trying to get her to the doctor, etc., it seems your hands are tied. The only thing, if she ever gets in that "zombie" like state again, you could try to physicall move her to the car or have the ambulance to take her to the hospital. What would she do if you did not discuss it, trying to "talk her into it" but instead took her by the arm and put her in the car. I know you couldn't do that "now"....but if she ever become like she was before. That seems very scary to think of her being in that condition. Perhaps your own doctor could advise you what to do if that should arise again.
As far as the DB principles, they are as good as any I have every read......and I've read a ton of books on MR. The difference I find in DB is that it is not marriage-improvement, like most books.....but what one can do in trying to bust a D and survive the problems that arise in a MR. I have never seen where DB principles are contrary to what the Bible teaches, so I have never had a problem about that. Some people may differ about some issues, but that is my personal opinion. As far as to what to do where your W is concerned and the DB principles......as I told you before, she is certainly not the textbook example of a WAW, b/c of the terrible experience she had.....however, I do not see a better option for you to use.
I noticed Drew responded to your thread, and he has had some family issues where depression was a very serious problem.... and he could probably be helpful with that.
I know you worry about your children and the affects this will have on them. If bad goes to worse (whatever that may be) you know you have to put the sake of your children first. You are the only stability they have. I know you will not divorce "her", but you may have to consider separating if it is to shield the children from her lifestyle or erratic behavior. That sounds awful, but I hope you know that I am talking about "extreme" here. Is that why you stepped down from the ministry b/c of how she was living, or was it b/c of the problems? I am so, so, sorry. Do you have any minister brethern that you can confide in that could advise you what to do?
I know I am full of questions, but do you mind if I ask what her attitude was like when you decided to step down from the ministry? I just wondered if she felt guilty or if she acted like she cared?
I will certainly keep you in my prayers. God is still on His throne. You have had a lot on your plate, and He knows that. He has not forgotten you and His love has not changed since you stepped down from the ministry. As an almost WAW, I can tell you that God's forgiveness is as great as His love! I know that things have looked dark for a long time and it's probably those children that have kept you hanging on. Please don't give up hope. I have seen some pretty amazing things happen to people, so don't give up praying for your W.
Take care, Sandi
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
