This is what I wrote to the IC, for before the meeting:
Quote:
Dear Karen:
I know that Chuck and I are meeting with you tomorrow. I understand that the agenda will be about going forward with co-parenting training. I wanted to give you a little background into where I am, currently, and let you know that I am still working with Sarah. I will actually see her on Monday the 13th.
I am attaching two documents that I wrote, directed to Chuck. The first was never delivered to him (I wrote it with the intent of reading it to him while in a joint session); the second, shorter one, I read to him over the phone. In having some time and space, I don't want to rehash everything that is in the first document with him during this initial session, if ever. It is enough that I know it. The communication that I had with him over the phone, while brief, was very cathartic. I do want to make the point with him that, while I don't hold hatred for him, I do hate what he did. He has never really come clean with his actions, but instead continues to justify it all, that "it had to happen this way," because of me - at this point, I feel like anything that he doesn't like about his life is now my fault, and I am done being the scapegoat.
On the other hand, he seems to wonder why I can't be friends with him, accepting him and his girlfriend and thinking it is all wonderful. He actually accused me of "illegal parental alienation" because I don't promote a relationship between that woman and my children; that it reflects badly on him! Besides the obvious, I have never held values in line with hers, and I hope to minimize any influence she may have on my kids. She never became a close friend to me because of her lack of intelligence, her negative outlook on life (the perpetual victim), and poor parenting skills, even before the affair.
I do hope that you might be able to translate, bridge the gap, referee, whatever, so that things can go a bit more smoothly between us, for the kids. He seems to be clueless as to what effects this has had on them, and again, blames all bad effects on me and how I must be handling things. He simple skips over the fact that he was the cause of my near-unraveling.
I am actually quite comfortable dealing with him via email. Perhaps if he learned a little empathy and understanding, and stopped throwing his other relationship down mine and the kids' throats, I might be able to tolerate more direct communication. I have given up hope in trying to get through to him in any way - his ego can't let him hear a thing I have to say. (Remind me about the recent time I asked him not to put S14 on the spot when he didn't want to ride with her....and then Chuck did, anyway).
