Finally trying to move on without H

[beepee]

thanks for replying to me VH:

im hoping i can get in some more money, im waiting on a few more friends to see if they can help chip in.
so i know asking the H was wrong. but i was so angry and i had to deal with the angry landlord. i doubt hes going to give me any money as he doesnt have much himself but he hasnt responded to me yet.

anyway, your idea of writing an email to him and posting it up here instead sounds like a great idea, i like it. i will do that next time. i know i have to do this, i know i have to detach. its so EFFIN HARD!! i miss him so much. i really need a hug from him right now considering the crappy way i feel.

[Virtually_Handsome]

((((((beepee))))))

OK, so it's not quite the same.....

I guess you've figured out that this whole situation isn't quite fair, haven't you! So you just have to keep moving along. Take care of the things you can control, and let go of the things you can't.

[beepee]

i will move along with my head held high
i deserve to be treated much better than this.
i will move on and i will forget about him
if he comes back, great, if he doesnt, thats fine too.
you can do it B! you can do it B! you can do it B!!!!!
i love myself enough to do this for me
i love myself enough to GAL
i love myelf enough to live life to the fullest
i love myself enough to be happy
i love myself enough to be in a trusting relationship with mutual unconditional love.
i love myself period.

[Virtually_Handsome]

What a difference a few hours can make!

I'm smiling!

[beepee]

thanks VH:

you are helping me so much more than you know!!

[mishka422]

Jeff is one of the absolute best here! Out of us dinosaurs (old-timers, whatever) he gives some of the best advice, hugs, encouragement, and he's FUNNY!!!!

[beepee]

its great to have support from one of the best!!

so i got 2 goals done today, i went to the bank and exchanged my euros to dollars and i called back the girl who was interested in my sofa and shes going to come and have a look at it tomorrow. hopefully she buys it, i sooo need the money!!

[beepee]

D:

I am so f*cking angry at you. how could you do this to me. how could you just pack up and leave and not say anything to me. was i that horrible to you? its not fair. you vowed to be there for me in sickness and in health and i am sick and i need you so much, i need you to hold my hand so we can get thru this together, isnt that why people marry? why did you marry me when you were just going to bail out on me when it got too hard? i would never ever leave you in the dumps if you were in the same position a me. your mom was depressed for a while. and theyre a very loving couple, could you ever imagine your father walking away from your mother because he couldnt handle her depression anymore? how could you do this to me? im getting help D. its not like im continuing on in life without actively seeking help. im doing everything i can to get better and just because i need you to be with to get thru this, doesnt mean im needy and clingy, its because i love you and you're the person i want around to help me thru my problems, just like i thought you would do the same. everyone has that one person that always makes them feel better, the one person that you want to run and tell secrets to or any big news, the one person that will always be special in their hearts. you are that person to me, and i think its normal. i know you think i need more people in my life to talk to about my problems and not just lean on you for everything. im sorry i did that in the past but ive learned now. i have my friends who i talk to more now about my problems, my dad who is always trying to help me, my therapist who will work with me to get rid of this horrible illness im suffering from. why can't my husband be included in that list of people? why dont you want to help me when you say you love me? you keep saying in your emails that you will always be sad that we didnt work out cause you wanted it to work out...but if you want it to work out, why are you leaving me? why are you getting a divorce? why are you walking away from us? im doing better, i promise i wont rely on you to make me happy, i promise. im learning so much about myself this past month that youve been gone. and im figuring out what makes me happy and i know what makes me happy and i know what i want in life. i want you to be there to add to that happiness and i want to add happiness to your life. you said we could go to marriage counseling before you left, how could you switch off just like that now? how could you go from wanting this to work and then nothing. why are you shutting me out of your life? i could never do that to you even if i wanted to. you are so precious to me and i miss you so much baby. why not give us a chance? we can move forward, get rid of the toxic past and start fresh, i know we would be so amazing together because i have so much love to give you, you love me D, i know you do. you keep saying it, so why dont you give us that chance we deserve? i love you so much and i miss you tremendously. i dont want to have dreams about you, i want it to be reality. im so drained and shattered from waking up to dreams about you and facing the harsh reality that you're no longer there next to me. it hurts so bad. it hurts sooo F*CKING bad! please D, you know we can make this work, give us another chance to start something new without the past. i love you.

[Virtually_Handsome]

(((((mishka)))))
You make me blush!

(((((((beepee)))))))

Good job!

I want to write some more, but work calls! I'll be back!

[beepee]

thanks! come back soon, i need your support and guidance!!