I am getting worn out with this

[mvgolfer]

Thanks Jeff. You are a patient person for reading my posts and posting back!
I plan to :
1)Not talk about R
2) Be 'light', maybe ask about his work trip
3) maybe talk about family visit
4) Listen
5) Not say anything - allow for silence
6)Be positive
7)Try be be as normal(don't get weepy, etc) as possible around family
8) Look really good when I get off the plane - H is meeting me at SEATAC on his way back from Japan


Funny, a friend said to me today that it is like I am dating again, where you don't ask the other person a lot about what they are doing when they aren't with you and I am bascially 'competing' for dates with ALison - if indeed that is the case. I found out more info on that, and it makes my insides tighten up, but I am trying VERY hard to fight the anxiety/panic attacks. I have to let him tell me the truth.

Most of my friends think I am nuts for going through this for him. (my sister said she loves me, but he makes her want to vomit)they ask if he's worth it, if the R is worth it. I think it is, since I still believe the payoff is worth it in the end. But I also think it is good to ask myself that question on ocassion.

Patience is a very hard lesson for me. But I am trying, so that counts for something!

Thanks mucho!
Marsh