Did ok w/the H for the most part... Had a few "moments" of some fly by nastiness, and a few "moments" of some fly by foglift.
H had a little accident during his fireworks display (after the real fireworks - seen from our yard). He didn't want to navigate through a bunch of people to go to our lower yard, so leapt over the stairs going down to our boathouse, slipped, and took a tumble down the stairs (about 10 feet). He has a few key bruises, and was really sore yesterday, not to mention grumpy from staying awake until 4am on the 4th/5th really. So, the fly by nastiness was rooted in all of this, but definitely unnecessary. Hardly worth mentioning even though I just gave it a paragraph! LOL
So, let's check in on the goals.
Originally Posted By: mindblank
#1 - To attract some kind of interest from H.
WHAT TO DO DIFFERENT - Limit my initiation of contact w/H (while he is away working during the week) to required contact re: children.
Hard to do this during the weekend when he's here 24x7, however, I made sure not to be in his face all the time. #2 - To enjoy a non-kid event together.
WHAT TO DO DIFFERENT - Make sure I don't have any kind of "meltdowns" in his presence anymore. Smile. Enjoy. Be someone H wants to be around, w/ and w/out kids.
No meltdowns!
#3 - To have a physical presence I'm proud of.
WHAT TO DO DIFFERENT - STOP relaxing the weight loss/exercise efforts!
Blew this one!
#4 - To allow my H to LEAD, and not PUSH from my end.
WHAT TO DO DIFFERENT - Let H make decisions. Ask him for advice. If I sense he's not comfortable w/something we're doing/deciding on, step back and allow him to have a voice.
See reply to Storm!
So, all in all a fun weekend. o/~ Back to life. Back to reality. o/~ Monday am. Yuk!
Last edited by mindblank; 07/06/0910:19 AM.
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
Closing thought. There is the element of a game plan or play book mentality in all of this, but my feeling is that is backing off, releasing the pursuit, helps H clear his head, and be able to breathe again, then that can only be helpful. And, if I am now asking H's opinion on thibgs, instead of forcing mine on him, then that is good for me overall, as well. Who likes a controlling/pushing friend, spouse, colleague? So, these actions may be part of a plan, but they are necessary for overall improvement. We can all use that!
I think you might be a pretty smart lady!
I second that!!!
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
RE: moments of nastiness... they're actually becoming a little less frequent. In accordance w/my GOALS, I'm not pushing, and working on letting him make some decisions...
HOWEVER, I'm done w/the snarkiness.
And, I believe the way I've chosen to deal with it is working (slowly, but working). Example: Our cable box goes out over the weekend. H wakes up Monday am (@ around 11) after I've been up since 7am, cleaning up after the weekend of chaos, doing laundry, getting kids to soccer camp, etc... blahblahblah and emerges from our bedroom, without a greeting, and, asks (in the snarkiest of snarky tones), "Why haven't you called the cable company yet?" (grumblegrumblesnarksnark) And, I tell him, "Well, H, I had to make a choice. Call the cable company, and work on this on the phone with them in our room, and risk waking creating a grumphy H/Dad, OR I could let you sleep in, enjoy your rested mood upon waking on your own, and call them after you awake."
He grumbled back to our room, took a shower, came into my room, a ray of sunshine.
Normally, I would have apologized, and kind of folded.
He reacts better to the borderline snark replies.
So, we'll go with this for awhile.
PS - I am normally not a snarky person. But, I can sure pull it off if I need to!
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
Gotta run... I'm off to prepare for the BFF's birthday party on our boathouse. We're having a (not too hard on the eyes) 22 year-old take us on a wine/river tour on our boat after dinner.
I'm psyched!
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
hey, that is awesome that you came up with a response that turned his mood around!!
I love hearing those kinds of stories!!!
and have an awesome time with the 22 year old lol
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
The 22 year-old did a FINE job! Especially dealing with eight 40 year-old MOM's admiring his board shorts! LOL My BFF kept throwing stuff on the floor of the boat so had to bend over to get it... LOL Good stuff. Good clean fun.
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
H's desktop PC died. We decided not to have it fixed, as it wasn't worthy of the bill... I bought him a new laptop today. Spent the am setting it up for him, so it's ready when he returns today. I put his favorite backgrounds, lots of the pics he had stored on it, loaded and configured his email, internet launch, antivirus, etc... Quite a project! Love it, though! Wish it was mine!
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
lol