Deep - there is no way for you to recover your marriage without intense counseling and for your W to be completely removed from the OM forever. Sorry, that's my two cents, and its coming from someone who has been there and done that, and is divorced...because me and my ex-h did it the way you and your W are doing it...literally just "winging it" and praying it will get better.
Sorry for being such a downer, but I am trying to poke you with a stick until you really hear me. Your marriage does NOT stand a chance without the above suggested changes. Wait and hope all you want, but you will end up in divorce court.
