Just Keep Livin' #3

[Orich]

I have to remember that line. It sounds great. Next time we discuss our M, I will use that. SHe already acknowledges my changes and hopes they do well for me in my next R with somebody else. If she actually knows I am getting ready for my next R, maybe it will affect her.

[givingitmyall]

My W said I'm glad you are makking changes. Too bad they will only benefit someone else.

[AlexEN]

Legally, seek out Coach and Greek, for how a legal hard-line can make a wayward wife respond.

Puppy,

I've missed these posts by Coach and Greek... Do you recall when/where they were posted? Given that we're in the legal phase now, it's very pertinent...

-AlexEN

[JKL2009]

She called and we talked a little. Bottom line - she just doesn't think we can talk about this stuff (sep agreement) and get anywhere. She thinks I am going to fight her, and "screw her" in the end. She just doesn't trust.

Yes, all script. She is scared, probably still a bit confused. She also brought up something interesting - that she feels I have "moved on" already. She cited talking to old girlfriends and some other GAL type stuff as issues where she doesn't think I am sincere in wanting to work things out. She also cited snooping as more proof of trust and whatnot.

So yes, maybe I see some conflict I was not so sure about this morning. Bottom line is I need to focus on showing detached compassion, being calm and stable.

As for legal stuff, I don't know where those posts are either but I am sure it comes down to this - don't agree to anything or give away anything in hopes you will win her back. You need to be firm and fair for what is right in your book. My example, WAW thinks I am asking for more custody time in order to get child support lower. Not the case, I want to be with my son. I am not going to give in on this issue.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

Legally, seek out Coach and Greek, for how a legal hard-line can make a wayward wife respond.

Puppy,

I've missed these posts by Coach and Greek... Do you recall when/where they were posted? Given that we're in the legal phase now, it's very pertinent...

-AlexEN

I forget whose thread they were on, sorry. Greek posts a little less than Coach; you could do a search of her name via the search function. Or maybe start a new thread -- "Legal Hardball While DBing?" -- and get some responses.

Greek had indicated that it greatly affected her to know that Coach was going to do what he had to do, legally.

Puppy

[givingitmyall]

Two things. One, I think you have more influence than you think. Her words sure say that to me.
Two, her fear that you are trying to screw her in the divorce sounds like her lawyer talking (I am a lawyer) so I would not be surprised by that fear.

Just keep treating her like a frightened cat you are trying to get to hop in your lap while also protecting yourself legally.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

She called and we talked a little. Bottom line - she just doesn't think we can talk about this stuff (sep agreement) and get anywhere. She thinks I am going to fight her, and "screw her" in the end. She just doesn't trust.

A: "Wow, I'm really sorry you feel that way. Of course I need to protect myself, and S4, but I would never screw you and I'm really sorry that's how you feel."

[JKL2009]

I don't know what you see in that I have any influence, but maybe so. Interesting analogy about the frightened cat; will try and keep that in mind! As for the whole trust/screwing thing when it comes to the legal stuff, that is exactly what I have said but she still says/feels I am out to get her or something. The fog talking, fueled by the lawyer and others probably. Can't control that so can't worry about it.

[givingitmyall]

I don't know what you see in that I have any influence, but maybe so.

She just seems to be throwing out statements that appear she is still confused. Stay the course, and that may have some influence over her. Never know (none of us do), but just maybe.

Another question - if she is dead set on never working on the M, why a S agreement and not a D filing?

Hang in there.

[JKL2009]

Here, the sep agreement forms the basis for the D. Basically one and the same.

I really think I am done here. Talk to my A who spoke with WAW A. Seems WAW said the things were not agreed and now she wants to go back on stuff. Also said I am not good father and brought up past OWI. I am floored. I really wasn't focused on what she has been thinking, but like many who have read my posts thought there was signs of confusion and hope for me. Now, it seems like WAW wants to go to the matresses and this is it. I just don't get it, hate that her A is pushing this (my guess) and it just sucks. Worst day ever I think.

Yes, I can sleep OK knowing I am a good father and I have done everything I can to save my M. But this stuff guts me, that she would go hardcore like this seemingly out of the blue.