Over the Shock and GALing 6

[Coach]

Her answer: "Oh YOU are planning to go for a bike ride are you?! Why do you always do what YOU want! Why don't you think about someone else for a change"

yes I am planning a bike ride that's why I let you know about it. Is there something on the schedule that would preclude that? (now you are looking for a one-word answer)
I don't always do what I want, why would you think that?
I do think about other people all the time. You, the kids, my family, your family, my clients...... If you want to know what I am thinking then ask, but please stop assuming you know what I am thinking.

Me: "Hi, I'd like to talk, and when you talk on the phone the whole time like this I feel ignored and frustrated"

Her: "God! Why is everything always about You! what You want and how You feel! What about what I want?! I want to talk to my friends!"

It's healthy communication wife something I am working on for me, if something is bothering me then I have a responsiblity to bring it up. You might not know it bothers me so I need to let you know. Now, I would love to know what you want. You seem pretty upset, can you describe to me how you feel?
Another tack but you will need your spew suit on - I understand you want to talk to friends. My friends have helped me thru this as well. I was thinking that no matter how this turns out then we will need at least try to be social and cordial for the kids sake. I just wanted to see if we could at least have a friendly conversation while we were driving. I understand if you don't.

Need some examples here. I have tried a few such as "How do you feel about that?" and just get a disgusted look and a "Stop asking stupid questions!"

She's dissing you, call her on it. "That's not a stupid question, I truly want to know and understand how you feel. If you don't want to answer that's your issue. But I will neither stop or let you tell me it's stupid."

- Because

Help me understand. Because why?

- I just do (Ijustdo is only one word, right )

Same response

- Yes
- No (Did anything interesting happen today?)
- Fine (How was work today day?)
- Nothing

Really nothing interesting happened today? Boys what did you do interesting?

If she doesn't want to talk then you lead. What problems did you solve at work? Who did you help? What issues do you need help with? Talk about your kids, ask them questions. Tell a joke at dinner to make your boys laugh. Talk about your bike ride - what did you see? who went with you?
Be interesting because you are. Be interested in her. Get your kids to tell stories.

Let her wallow in her own mess. You can't control her. You show her the boundary and let her know that's where you will be. In the mean time she is missing out on some great Thinker and the boys happenings.
When is your Retro weekend?