I had an Affair when I thought my M was over!

[S.T. _I Made It!]

this is one I can relate too. now granted when my H wanted to come back, I never did cheat on him during that time, BUT, he did ask about the past and I did not lie. I had cheated on him before we got M. and wow, was that the longest convo ever all night long and it was the worst experience ever, almost worse than finding out about him. (the feeling just didn't last near as long) and it was very hard for me because it had happened 8 years ago for myself, but for him, it was like it happened yesterday.

So, I advise that you continue focusing on you and your changes. Are you still Galing? still making changes and keeping them? You don't stop DBing, ever. it's a life long thing.

I would also say not to bring it up, let her lead on that and continue to validate her feelings. Her point that you wanted to save it, is a valid point., this is why I always advise people to never get involved while you are legally still M. for the christian aspect and for this problem you are dealing with now.

The other thing we need to realize is that everyone has their own feelings/reactions that are different from someone else. Say, you just told me "you didn't put that together right". Perhaps that would be very offense to me, but if I told you the same thing, perhaps you wouldn't really care and it wouldn't bother you. just because we do the same thing to someone as they do to us, doesn't mean that we feel the same about it. For her to be that hurt about it is a good thing because it means she really does love you, and it SHOULD hurt her.

you M her for a reason, and just because she is acting in ways you don't like, doesn't mean that is the real her, or the her that she will become. Everyone can change, and I believe that wholeheartedly, and we can help people do that when we change ourselves, and stop doing the same things.