Pain - you said in a previous post: "I am in the process now of waking up to realize that this woman that I looked up to and admired for her strength and conviction is actually a very selfish and scared little girl with delusions of entitlement."
My advice is that you continue thinking along these lines. You really need to "see" her objectively. I don't mean to "see" her negatively at all, but to see her as a scared and selfish little girl is very accurate. Remember too, she does not WANT to act that way. When a woman is acting this way, she needs support (usually counseling - but she also needs friends and family). Sometimes you cannot give it to her as she is not able to receive the support she needs - which sounds like your case. In such sitatuations, its probably best to let her have her meltdown for a bit longer, do not react or respond to it (letting her own it), but when she's done let her approach you with how she really feels. REALLY find out how she feels, ok?
Its a little worrisome that she has jealousy issues yet also has infidelity issues. This indicates she needs a lot of inner work and that work will take time and effort. You need to really view the truth here, do you want to be around while she makes huge inner changes? What if she doesn't want to?
This is reality. Look at the real picture as an outsider does. She needs empathy, but also reality, and so do you.
The whole thing about you, your one nighter, and then your wife calling you home the next day, is just one of those odd life surprises that causes you to be faced with a sudden crossroads.
Take time to decide which way you turn! There are no accidents!
No. It would be worth it, if you both learn from the past and make changes. If so, you will move to the next level in your marriage. The level many never get to.
I hate that I can't sleep. My head gets full of thoughts swarming and buzzing around like a cloud of angry wasps. Sometimes my thoughts sting me. Memories of this past year mingled with fears desires and expectations from past, present and future. I feel so lonely again; left behind. My whole soul was dedicated to loving you. I need to drive the swarm away, remove their stingers and sooth my swollen flesh with cool water.
My breath always has the slight hint of the flavor of tears and mucousy saliva , the taste in your mouth after you sob for hours and you are starting to feel better, you know the taste I mean. I know you have cried too.
Everything in life now seems surreal, slowed down but too fast. I feel like I have lost so many words into the vacuum of space, precious words that were hard to find deep in my mind. I searched for these words to explain to you the breadth and depth of my love for you but when I gave these words to you they evaporated before they touched your heart.
What makes you think of me now? I agonized for months writhing in pain at night physically ill unable to move forward picturing someone else making you smile.
Where are you now woman? In some strange land with strange customs and bugs and floods, too much heat for you to breath. You are alone there, this life you live where you trudge forward leaving the carcasses of your dead worshipers along the road to your very own palace in the sky. Who will be your companion, will he be a king, a consort or maybe a fool?
Do you know how to work as hard for love as you do for gold?
She is at it again. Not the affair, that is over, now she is back in the wishy washy stage. Does not know if there is to much damage to the marriage. She is thinking that she is not ready to be married to me because I still have to build a career and she is not patient enough to be a wife and put in the emotional work it would take to have a partnership.
I think that she will be very lucky if someone comes along that is perfect enough for her.
this is one I can relate too. now granted when my H wanted to come back, I never did cheat on him during that time, BUT, he did ask about the past and I did not lie. I had cheated on him before we got M. and wow, was that the longest convo ever all night long and it was the worst experience ever, almost worse than finding out about him. (the feeling just didn't last near as long) and it was very hard for me because it had happened 8 years ago for myself, but for him, it was like it happened yesterday.
So, I advise that you continue focusing on you and your changes. Are you still Galing? still making changes and keeping them? You don't stop DBing, ever. it's a life long thing.
I would also say not to bring it up, let her lead on that and continue to validate her feelings. Her point that you wanted to save it, is a valid point., this is why I always advise people to never get involved while you are legally still M. for the christian aspect and for this problem you are dealing with now.
The other thing we need to realize is that everyone has their own feelings/reactions that are different from someone else. Say, you just told me "you didn't put that together right". Perhaps that would be very offense to me, but if I told you the same thing, perhaps you wouldn't really care and it wouldn't bother you. just because we do the same thing to someone as they do to us, doesn't mean that we feel the same about it. For her to be that hurt about it is a good thing because it means she really does love you, and it SHOULD hurt her.
you M her for a reason, and just because she is acting in ways you don't like, doesn't mean that is the real her, or the her that she will become. Everyone can change, and I believe that wholeheartedly, and we can help people do that when we change ourselves, and stop doing the same things.
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
W can't get past the Lie when I tried to deny it. Now after all of everything she is dealing with the same pain from betrayal that she caused me but she is so unforgiving. I don't know what to do at all. I hate this. She always has a reason to end this and it all started with her.
hey, try to remember when you found out. how long did it take for that initial shock to pass? for me, I was depressed for 2 weeks, and then still took a while to forgive.
so time will help heal, you just continue to DB as before. act as if she will forgive you,
don't let her reactions change your reactions.
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
Oh my god! My life has become a Jerry Springer episode. The only way I can imagine to make it stop is to ask my wife for divorce but I only wanted to be with her all this time. The girl I had the affair with's ex-husband contacted my wife. I have no contact with the girl except that she keeps texting me that my wife is ruining her life. My wife keeps texting me that she resents that I dragged her into this. I didn't drag anyone into anything. She threw me to the wolves and didn't care what happened to me but now there is all this childish drama and I can't stand being around all these caddy women.
