Hello Kittyfish & Sandi2!

[BigJohn]

Hey Sandi.

Well another backslide last night. We started talking about our financial situation, then about how my W has not been actively looking for a regular part time job since losing her job and becoming involved in the EA. Apparently a factor in not doing so is this plan of hers to travel back to her home state in August for a couple of weeks to visit with her family- and go out on dates with OM. I told her we simply can't afford it financially (or otherwise), she became adamant that it's going to happen- according to her this trip is going to play a crucial part in making her final decision regarding our M- and we began to argue.

During the course of our conversation/argument, she provided information indicating that the OM had recently told her he no longer wanted her in his life, that he felt my W was using him as a crutch to get out of her M to me. Apparently he stopped contact with my W for a couple days before resuming contact because according to my W he loves her.

My W basically acknowledged that she is using OM as he suspects and indicated that she wants OMs emotional support in working towards divorcing me as she doesn't want to try to deal with it on her own. I also got the distinct impression that OM has been verbally abusive towards her- when I asked her if she thought OM really respected her she wouldn't answer. I'm starting to think that maybe she is starting to drive him crazy as well with her talk of "It's (M) over, I don't want to work on it" and "I want a R with you (OM)" but no movement whatsoever regarding D. (I know, if true this would be a good thing.) Presumably my W's plan for the trip in August is to solidify OM's support for her through some degree of physical affection.

I tried to approach my W last night from the standpoint that despite our current M problems we are still business partners and we need her to get employed again. What is frustrating is that her lack of motivation in this regard is like everything else in that it is interwoven with the EA and the OM. I just don't know how to handle our financial situation and her employment situation under the circumstances. Time is not on our side here, our savings are almost gone and she needs to get employed again. Even if/when she does get employed again, it is going to take us some time to get back on our feet financially- and that means we aren't going to be in a position to separate for some time to come.

This is one area that is holding me back from really detaching from my W. Any ideas on how to work on these specific issues with my W would be appreciated.