The healthy and sad feeling is one I can relate to. BUT there is a positive in your post... the both of you realized what you were doing was not working and when you continue to do something that does not work nothing can change. Now, maybe with some space you both can find something that *does* work. It wont happen overnight but when you take away what doesnt work, you leave lots of room open to find things that *do* work because you arent so consumed with feeling bad about what is not working. (sorry, that was wordy and hopefully made sense)
My H and I, after a 1.5 yr separation, are still trying to see what doesnt work with our communication and what does work. Its not a quick thing to identify. Its really in the past few weeks that I have been noticing that he has been using "I" statements rather than just starting off w/blaming me for HIS feelings. So, the other day I simply said I appreciated how much effort he was putting into using "I" statements and it helped us a great deal to communicate better. I was STUNNED when he said that he noticed I used "I" statements and had mentioned it to him before so he thought he would give it a try. So, he *is* trying and for that I felt I had to show my appreciation because it is working and eliminated something that was not working.
In my head this post makes perfect sense, I hope it doesnt read all garbled and confusing. And hey, I am proud of you!
