Well, just a short update. I'm preparing for move weekend. I'm picking the keys up on Friday and hopefully shifting some stuff over on Saturday so I can unpack the kitchen and bathroom. Then h and I will move the remaining bulk of it all on Sunday.
I know it is jsut a house etc. but my emotions are fluctuating at the moment and it is quite exhausting keeping myself in check. This morning I felt such anger at him I wrote out a massive long email and deleted it. Yesterday I felt such disappointment/ frustration at the unfairness of it all so I did the same. It helps.
Next week will be the start of a new chapter, I just have to get through the weekend. It will so sad to say goodbye to the house and the life I could have had, but I realise it was not to be. I know I should be looking forward to my new life etc etc and I am trying to be positive and realise how lucky I have been in finding a nice place to live etc but this is not what I have chosen so I am finding it hard to look forward to it.
I guess I have a lot of 'whys?' going round my head and know that I am not going to get any answers to them.
I have been putting off emailing h about the money and bills that we have to sort out because I was scared of being stone-walled again. Then I thought it needs to be sorted now. He can stone-wall me all he likes but it will just delay stuff - no skin off my nose - so I sent the email. I can't say I am having warm feelings about him at the moment and Sunday will be a challenge. It is hard to know whether to act 'as if' doing the stuff that I know works or be a complete b!tch which is what I feel like being. I know the answer, I haven't worked for so many months at this to throw it down the pan.
