It is interesting for me to note that when she is being completely self absorbed and self-interested (from my point of view), and I don't give in to her immediately, she immediately begins to accuse me of being a selfish jerk and yells "Why is everything always all about you!"
I didn't see it coming this time, but now looking back I see the same pattern every time. Next time I'll remember the script and see it coming. Previously I got defensive ("I am NOT being selfish!!"), but this time I just said nothing and held my ground. Next time....not sure. Any suggestions??
Goldmine if you keep your emotions in check, sounds like you are at a good spot to try this.
Next time just ask, "Why do you feel that way?" Validate, no defensiveness, let her rehash old issues, make her articulate what the issue really is. If she mind reads call her on it, "No that's not what I think/feel/believe. I will gladly tell you if you want to know." Let her spew, the anger needs to come out, it's how she feels so let her say her peace. Don't try to fix it or say "yeah but." I viewed this as - my wife needed a place to vent, I want it to be with me. Sometimes I would mentally detach and say OK anger is good so this must be really good. This is really hard to do if you are holding onto any anger or keeping score. Detach, drop the rope and be compassionate. It was key for me to let my wife talk/vent and me not get upset. This was a turning point for us. You can handle it Thinker. Cheers Coach
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
