My WAW is still adamant about the M being over. There are no signs of affection or anything. Lately she has been talking down to me, and when I told her I didn't want to be treated that way, she said she was doing that to make sure I knew that things were not getting better, that even though we live together, there was no chance of us reconciling. I am trying to back away and back away, but I keep backing into a wall. We have young kids, it is very difficult to detach, we have to act together as parents. She has seen the changes I have made, and is happy I made them because it will be good for me in the future with somebody else. She is so cold when she talks about us. Most people here who have WAWs, from what I read, at least have some little bits of hope. Mine is done with the marriage. Her IC, her sister and her closest girlfriend are all telling her to get out of the M if she isn't happy. How can I fight this? I am detaching and GALing, and she is pushing me out, happy I am GALing so I can be happy without her. I hope I didn't just hijack this thread. I started writing and I couldn't stop.
Me-40 W-41 Together-10 M-8 S-6 S-4 Bomb 5/08 Bomb 10/08 Thought things were better, was wrong. Still living together Wife doesn't think she will ever love me again.
Well, I didn't roll over and give in while we were talking last night. I wanted to agree to move out, thinking it would help her and also show her I am really a nice guy in trying to make her happy. The "That is BS" switch went off in my head and I realized the reality of the situation and I stood my ground. No matter how she stated it, and she did say the same thing like 5 different ways, I would not give in to my wanting to stay in the house and wanting the kids to stay in the house. She even went so far as saying she would foreclose on the house so it wouldn't be a factor. I'm not saying I am perfect in this DBing, puppy, but I am trying. If I hadn't found this website and talked to all of you, I might have given in last night. I also told her I wouldn't stand for being spoken to like a child, and also confronted her head on about the OM. She still denies, of course, but I didn't accept her denial.
Me-40 W-41 Together-10 M-8 S-6 S-4 Bomb 5/08 Bomb 10/08 Thought things were better, was wrong. Still living together Wife doesn't think she will ever love me again.
I agree. This is all about RESPECT. You have to give it in order to receive it. Like Puppy said. Set your boundaries and then figure out what they mean to you. If she continues then just tell her that you are not being respectful and dont get in the mud. Rise above all the bs. You are the rock for your kids. The guilt will get to her eventually. They can only justify their actions for so long.
Good. You did what you are able to do. She does care. Remember you are not supposed to believe anything they say and only some of what they do. She is testing your boundaries by coming home that late. Just like a teenager. Stick to your boundaries. Show her that she cant CONTROL your reactions anymore. Just ignore her and it wont be fun for her anymore. She will start feeling bad about the kids. If not she's not worth it anyway.
I am pissed at me and her both, pissed at me for snooping, pissed at her for the texts I found on her phone. Very hurtful, but I know that I can't bring it to her attention.
"Look, you're an adult, and I can't control your actions and frankly I have no desire to -- unless they affect the kids. I've asked you nicely to not stay out so late; what would happen if ______ or ________ woke up and needed their mother? I don't care what you decide to do about our marriage, but I'm sure you'd agree that we shouldn't be doing anything that would negatively affect the kids."
