Finally got her to talk this morning, though it was BS script. Says she is frustrated and stressed that nothing has happened with the separation agreement. She wants to get it done (though she has brought nothing up to me in 2-3 weeks). Also says she is not feeling well and I don't care.
Very frustrating...
H35 W34 S4 | T-10 yrs M-6 yrs WAW said M over 04/09 | Living separate since 09/09 Thread #1 Thread #2 Thread #3
More... going on about how it is great I have acted like the husband she married for the past 3 months but month 4 or year 2 it is going to go back to the crap.
She keeps so much junk inside, then it just comes out like this. I go on thinking things are not bad, going with the flow, then this...
H35 W34 S4 | T-10 yrs M-6 yrs WAW said M over 04/09 | Living separate since 09/09 Thread #1 Thread #2 Thread #3
Trust she says, she has no trust in me. I don't follow through when I say I am going to do something. Any little thing I do she jumps on to see "there is the real JKL, I see the jerk coming back." It is pretty amazing, her keeping so much inside for a few weeks then just letting it all out. I did my best to validate, "I understand you feel that way" but she says "no, I don't feel that way it IS that way." Not fun way to start the day...
H35 W34 S4 | T-10 yrs M-6 yrs WAW said M over 04/09 | Living separate since 09/09 Thread #1 Thread #2 Thread #3
Pure script, and I still think she is as confused as he!!.
Quote:
Trust she says, she has no trust in me.
I heard the EXACT same thing from my W.
And she tells you you have become the H she married!!!! At least you got that acknowledgment from her. If she is so sure she wants to leave, why does she tell you this?
Stick to the program. Validate! Do not let her bait you into an argument. Stay consistent in who you are. This is where you have to be the stronger one.
None of us can control what our spouses choose to do in the end, but we sure can make it harder for them to want to leave or to convince themselves they are doing the right thing.
Just hang in there. Time is you ally.
Have you guys had any discussions about custody, finances, living arrangements, etc? Has she truly considered the reality of what she is about to step into? If she pushes with the S agreement, might be a good time to do that. How are you going to split the Christmas ornaments? Who gets the pet(s)? That kind of thing.
Have you guys had any discussions about custody, finances, living arrangements, etc? Has she truly considered the reality of what she is about to step into? If she pushes with the S agreement, might be a good time to do that. How are you going to split the Christmas ornaments? Who gets the pet(s)? That kind of thing.
I think this would be a GREAT time to do this. Coach has some ideas on this topic, too.
Have you guys had any discussions about custody, finances, living arrangements, etc? Has she truly considered the reality of what she is about to step into? If she pushes with the S agreement, might be a good time to do that. How are you going to split the Christmas ornaments? Who gets the pet(s)? That kind of thing.
Indeed we have. We have a draft agreement, but it has not been talked about for a few weeks. I thought that the reality that discussion brought, in terms of her not getting full custody and the real hard truth of finances being tough with 2 households, is why she had not brought things up.
Now it seems that me not bringing the R talk up or finalizing the sep agreement (though proper DB) has backfired. She says now that it is "clear" we can't seem to talk about it or get it done, she needs to get her lawyer involved. That being said, I do believe it was the right tactic. I agree with that y'all said; she is not in the right mind and is a current phase of flight again. Some more hard reality might be good.
The danger I see is she talks about the money spent on lawyers, time and energy spent already on this separation/divorce, etc. as sort of being committed to this path. Not sure how I am to respond to that line of "reasoning."
H35 W34 S4 | T-10 yrs M-6 yrs WAW said M over 04/09 | Living separate since 09/09 Thread #1 Thread #2 Thread #3
