Hi all...pretty new to this, but this post caught my attention. I have been considering divorce for the last 2 years but am actively fighting it because I have two young children (7 and 3). Husband has not been physically abusive in our 10 years of M (except for one shoving incident nearly a year ago that he was very regretful about and has not repeated), but he is verbally abusive on a regular basis. The pattern is something will set him off (me, work, a commercial on TV, etc.) and I get a tirade directed at me, complete with obscenities, name-calling, finger-in-my-face, and much yelling. I am not a yeller and have tried all the "defusing" techniques (and alternate approaches to communication---I'm a therapist)...no success. My mind wanders to divorce more recently because I don't want my kids to grow up with this as a model for a relationship (aside from the fact that I'm so desperately miserable when he's around.) I have been to counseling for myself; he refuses to go. On my own, I think I'm a pretty level-headed, content person. When I'm with him, it's walking on eggshells and my stomach is in knots.
I know this is a website about saving your marriage at all costs. Are there any conditions when that may not be the best thing to do?
Not sure if this was the best place to post...sorry if not. The whole site is a bit overwhelming for a newbie.
Thanks.
Leslie,
Welcome to DB. I for one am glad to see a potential WAW doing a little research before just "running" and pulling the plug. It shows a lot of strength. Remember their is always hope if both parties are willing to do the work. Sounds like you are more willing at this point. What all have you said to your H in regard to wanting a D? Like most potential LBS he probably does not believe you or is not taking your threats serious enough. Especially how he doesnt think or want to go to counseling.
In order to get a better pic of your sitch it would help to get more info. Was he always like this? If not what changed? Kids? Job? What do you do when he starts yelling and getting in your face? You are right this is not acceptable and needs to be dealt with, but D is not necessarily the only choice.
There are a lot of helpful members on this board that can offer advice.
