total quarter life mlc

[Sanderika]

mdoodles I am with you....right exactly with you.

I am low too. I think YES, we have setbacks. I also know when I have a setback H is the trigger in some way. Either through contact or no contact. I am on a high when we have a positive contact and then I get low....very low with no contact.

What you are feeling is aweful, but normal I think. We love them and we are hurting for them. We have to keep it in mind that we can't fix these problems for H. They are theirs alone. All we can do is be here, if and when they reach out to us.

The burden of these problems is heavy and for the most part we are alone to carry on with the burdens. Our homes (yours in foreclosure, mine in maintenance), raising our boys, lack of financial security and funds, our H's and the burden of the unknown with what they are doing in our sitch.

Others here say to live "as if". GAL, don't think about them, don't worry about them, well it is g-d hard. It's not like we aren't a player in the problem. We are directly involved because it's our problem too. H's made it our problem. I have never had such a big problem in my whole life.

Your H is in avoidance mode of the problems. He is avoiding. He doesn't have the resources or ambition right now to fix anything. He is most likely depressed because of the recent problems along with the failure of the store. Your H can't see the light of day he has dug his hole so deep.

I think leaving them alone to solve their own problems is the only way to go. They will be forced to do something. Men like to solve problems. These are so huge they need to face them alone to come up with their own answers. Let's just hope they come up with the right answer, sooner rather then later.

Your last questions....are mine as well. I think of the questions 24/7. I am in constant turmoil. I am having trouble sleeping and eating again and I know it's the upcoming court date causing this in me.

I haven't spoken to my H since Monday. OW is at the office with him today. I am alone. I have work to do this morning, this afternoon I have nothing planned. I am feeling very bad about my sitch right now. I am thinking H is going to do nothing to improve on it in the next 15 days.

Keep in touch....I hope today is better for you.

((((HUGS))))

Sanderika