GH31 - Dilemma with my pregnant wife

[saffie]

It's been sinking in these past few weeks what I've allowed myself to put up with. I can hardly call myself a man if I continue to do so.

GH, you keep saying things like this....but WHAT are you going to do?

[MrBond]

Have you looked at taking full custody of the baby after it's born.

After all, you have the records that show that she's unwell. She is seriously depressed and a prime candidate for post partum depression. If that kicks in, she's NOT even going to care about the baby and would be a danger to it.

[Phoenixdeux]

Agree with Stuck...you could get a baby out of this...and with any luck she'll fade into the sunset. I feel sorry for your child, but your W is seriously messed up and I find it hard to imagine how good a mother she'll be.

I hear you talking the talk, but when are you going to walk? You don't have to stay at the same place for the sake of the baby....it's not as though you can control her doing the right things by it or that your presence will change anything with the pregnancy. She's going to be gone to Europe. I'd suggest you use this time to move out and this time not be at the airport.

Despite OM's words, he'll probably sleep with her again...why not, he did it before when he was saying the same things about a girlfriend. Makes me sick when I put myself in your shoes and I can only consider running away.

Please be sure to document all this erratic behavior. Have all these dates down. Keep copies of the e-mails. Any weirdness she's done (hurt herself, what she said about aborting the baby, what she said about OM raising the baby, etc) so that you have ammunition ready for when the baby is born and you'd like to have him/her in your life...maybe even custody if she'll just follow her current MO and focus on her own...whatever it is.

GH, she might have looks, which I suspected all along is what she had going for her (otherwise, she doesn't seem like a catch), but she's soon to be a single mother...it isn't quite as easy to hook up with someone in that scenario. Maybe she'll drop your child on your doorstep and run away.

P.S. Happy Birthday

[diane74]

I was wondering why you 2 still live in the same house? This is obviously making you very unhappy, and I'm assuming if these trips can be taken you can afford your own place. Why not be " gone " when she gets back. You don't need to be in the same house to check in from time to time to make sure she's doing ok. She keeps leaving anyway, so why not start living for you now?

You had mentioned your father in law lives with you. Maybe he can give you updates. Also, maybe ask a lawyer what the best course of action is in order to get custody of the baby when he or she is born.

Just hate the thought of you living there with her, and what it's doing to you. Don't let it turn you into something your not.

[InLikeFlynn]

Happy B-Day.

W just sent a group email to me and her siblings and spouses wishing me "Happy Birthday" in big, colourful letters. I really don't know why she bothered

When I read this about her CCing her siblings....my first thought was to show them that she is "Trying".

I would quick check the items she is bringing to the Big "E"!! No reason to have lingerie or other 'Items"!!!

[GH31]

W just emailed me at work to see if I wanted to go and watch the Brüno movie with her later.

Diane, This situation has made me very unhappy.

The most deranged thing about it is that we always have all of the "how was your day, dear?" conversations at the end of the day and are always chit-chatting about family, events of the day - all of it. Conflict if it occurs is relatively free of namecalling and character assassinations. Open hostility, tension and stress isn't there - in fact we talk with relative ease.

Last night W was saying things like "what makes you think I'm still pregnant?", "What makes you think it's yours?", "I couldn't get an abortion done, I just couldn't do it", "the test results came back and it's at "low risk" of having any genetic disorders" and "I can't hand over my baby to someone else' when asked about me taking care of it.

Phoenixdeux, the walk will be walked.

Everything has been documented and all of the emails printed off and kept in a safe place.

Will keep you all updated.

[saffie]

Last night W was saying things like "what makes you think I'm still pregnant?", "What makes you think it's yours?",

Nobody could make up this. That someone can be this cruel. GH she is a horrid nasty person. Get the fcuk out. You "talk with relative ease" and she say's that? I am flabberghasted (sp?). You got a real catch with that one my boy....get someone to test all your food and drinks at home before you consume them!!!!

[GH31]

I caught something Saffie. She said she said that as "revenge" for when I mentioned I would get a paternity test done. She seems stunned that I could even doubt for a second whether this baby is mine. At the end of the day it's been indepeendent verification which has led me to believe it is, and not her word.

Had a chat with some governmental family organisations this lunchtime and speaking to a lawyer tomorrow.

[saffie]

So let us know how it goes.

[GH31]

So, W went again on Thursday and said "I'll be back in a week and a half". We talked for about 2 hours before she worked then called me for about ½ an hour once I got to work. She mentioned the gifts she was going to bring back and said she wanted to get me a violin for my birthday after all. We have some bowls in the large bedroom and W filled them up with chocolates the day before she went.

All of it is meaningless.

W wanted to speak to me but I did not want to talk at all, in fact I was really blunt and indifferent with her. She kept asking "will you miss me while I'm away?" to which I replied "I won't miss your attitude or your lying". She also asked if I would be at the airport to meet her when she got back and I point blankly refused. All the same crap I've heard before like "I need to feel better", "I need to move on from all of this", and "I need to start getting excited about this pregnancy and the baby".

I don't miss her.

Life must go on.

I have felt sad occasionally but I have not checked my email to see if she's sent me anything. It feels peaceful without her here and I feel like I can breathe. I've been going over what needs to be done to move out and have been reading about Dr. Harley's Plan B again as a protection measure for yourself. Then, yesterday when I met a good friend for lunch, sat down and unfolded a napkin an advertisement printed on it read "Do you have a Plan B?"

Will write more soon.