No, you dont walk away, well, not really. You just stop being there waiting with baited breath for any sign that she is thinking of you. You need to find ways to keep yourself busy and your mind off of her and what shes doing.
I guess I gave the wrong finger to the wrong man...
Thats good. Im glad to hear that you think you are doing better. Thats the first part of actually doing better!
Do you hear from her at all? One thing I did was to wait a day or so before responding to H's emails, you know, as if I had something better to do than wait to hear from him. Still, dont you be the one to initiate contact.
As things go on for a little bit longer, youll actually be amazed by how quickly it happens, the less contact you have with her, the better you will feel. Try to practice thought stopping, if you start to think of her, quickly switch your mind to something else, somepeople actually say the word "Stop" or pinch themselves. The biggest thing I did for myself was to stop checking H's Facebook and Myspace.
I guess I gave the wrong finger to the wrong man...
yeah, she contacts me 90% of the time i need to stop the other 10% i do. odd thing is we were talking on the phone (yes she called. ) and she just starts crying right away. I asked are you crying? she said yes, i always cry when i talk to you. I dont know why this is we dont talk about anything bad, we are not into any detailed conversation and it was like a one or two min. conversation about where to meet tonight
well we went to dinner tonight instead of the movie since there was lack of time. (broke everything in the book) it started off very slow and akward we didnt have much neutral stuff to talk about so it went real slow until we got into the dreaded us talk.. well it was there and out in the open so i took my beating on how it was so horrable living there with me, she was not happy ect. I decided to say screw it and tried my best to correct her anger towards me and point out my views ect. well she ofcourse didnt take much thought in it, but we did get to a point in the end where she said again she wants to be friends , loves me so much and cares about me alot but never will want to come back (i never asked but she still said it a few times) wants to do friend things like hang out and just do friend things... she huged me twice very hard like she did not want to let go and was solid tears
so idk if it went that well but we did get alot out on the table
Dont try to defend yourself, just validate. If thats how shes feeling then thats how she feeling. Just say I understand how you could feel that way. That alone is probably a 180 for you... I dont think that you can be right or wrong with feelings, they are reactions, shes not trying to be mean, or whatever, thats just how she feels.
By not validating how shes feeling your only going to make her more angry. You dont have to agree that it was horrible, but you do need to recognize her feelings about it.
I guess I gave the wrong finger to the wrong man...
well it was there and out in the open so i took my beating on how it was so horrable living there with me, she was not happy ect. I decided to say screw it and tried my best to correct her anger towards me and point out my views ect. well she of course didnt take much thought in it, but we did get to a point in the end where she said again she wants to be friends , loves me so much and cares about me alot but never will want to come back (i never asked but she still said it a few times) wants to do friend things like hang out and just do friend things... she huged me twice very hard like she did not want to let go and was solid tears
so idk if it went that well but we did get alot out on the table
Oh, women LOVE it when you correct them and point out where they're wrong, and then get your own point across. Nice move.
well emotions were high and it was not easy to follow the book. The night was not intended to go that way but rather have a good talk about netrual things and leave on a good note. yes, there were things that i told her i could see why she felt that way but when your being blamed and short of yelled at for why she was so "unhappy" in the marriage its hard not to defend yourself. Im working on it though and i hope our next conversation will be better.
well, if she was willing to hold on to you at the end of the night not once, but twice, I wouldn't call it a total disaster.
It is hard not to voice your side, after all, you've been doing it with her for how long? But, as said, that needs to stop for now. If you simply can't stop, remember there are tactful ways and replacement of a few simple key words can brighten your attempt.
Me 35/XW 33 S13 & S12 M: 10/17/98 OM & S: 07/08 D final 06/09/09 12/03/09 - 06/13/10 "Piercing" 06/13/10: Engaged to Re-marry 10/17/10 06/25/10: Expecting baby #3 2/14/11
well, if she was willing to hold on to you at the end of the night not once, but twice, I wouldn't call it a total disaster.
It is hard not to voice your side, after all, you've been doing it with her for how long? But, as said, that needs to stop for now. If you simply can't stop, remember there are tactful ways and replacement of a few simple key words can brighten your attempt.
well you are prob right that she hugged me very hard and not just real quick, I sorta tried to pull away alittle expecting the hugs to be over and she kept holding me tight. so Im guessing she still has her real strong feelings for me. which is a good sighn that i might have time to show her the 180 i need to do. we did exchange a couple texts today in the morning and she sent me one later during the day wishing me a good day at work
