A Wife that has come back? Post Affair feelings ,,

[Deep]

Wolverine and Purple: thanks for your replies.

I so agree with you. She thinks I'm childish that I can't let it go. And she feels that without committing to trusting her again, we'll continue backsliding. She does accept that she made a mistake and that I'm entitled to my feelings, but wants me to trust that she can keep it professional. She did offer to quit before, but it came with a clear picture of the negatives.

I don't know ... it's mixed up with my resentment over how I felt she protected him (at least back then). She was willing to stay, but it was for our kids, and (believe it or not) HIS kids. She told me I would regret it if I broke the news to OMW and the whole thing got out of control. Basically, a big part of why she stayed then was she could not bear to be seen as a homewrecker. But she told me if his wife found out, left him and got her fired by complaining to the company, I would regret it. I know he asked her to protect him, and that he would "make an arrangement" with her if I wanted D. The amount of time and effort she took to safeguard his position caused a lot of pain.

That guy is a real piece of work. He was 50, married with 3 kids, and his wife was undergoing tests for possible cancer then. And I really don't know what kind of scum he is. People having affairs would already feel bad enough about it I would presume. This guy actually had my wife invite me out to social occasions with the two of them around, and would even shake my hand, buy me a beer, and talk to me with her next to us. And he would deliberately talk my wife out of meeting me when I was really stressed out and needing her (there was once when he did did when next to me when we had a phone conversation - he took her out on a yacht instead). Oh, he's very rich. One of the hooks he used was a partial share in one of the many companies he owns for her to run and expand.

Purple: my wife has always (and still) maintained all they did was pet, talk, hold hands, but I know better. I've found an unfamiliar condom, and I dug out times when they spent whole afternoons in luxurious hotel spas with private pools and champagne. I'd rather not live in that particular denial. Actually, I would have preferred her to just be honest about it. But I know she can't. She is actually very conservative at heart; in our 7 years of courtship, I respected her decision not to have sex. She can't live with what she has done.

Our sex life during the A was actually crazy. She kept wanting it. But I can't put in words what it felt like when she told me after that she felt absolutely nothing for me, nothing when we kissed, and that just thinking of him set her off and we were having sex because she wanted him. Talk about brutal honesty.

When I found out, she agreed to stop the affair but insisted on being "friends". And yes, claiming that she had this special connection with him and being in love with him and only "caring" for me. She cares very deeply for the kids and did not want to hurt them. For the better part of 9 months, we lived in the same house, but seemingly on different planets, coming together mainly to scream at each other.